MAYBE SOMEONE IS THERE…

         Is it really simple to believe in god instead of searching for its existence? Till now in my life, I have never been really into prayers and all. Sometimes I feel asking for god’s help will only increase my difficulties. I truly believe if someone is just spending time in reading spiritual books and prayers, he is just wasting his time. Even my mother. She was not at all spiritual at all initially, but in following some years she became so obsessed with all these pothi, and aartis’s. she spent most of her time in her prayers. She talks about these things even intensively. Sometimes it bothers me when she watches my result and says it’s the fruit of her spiritual enlightenment with her guru or monk. I don’t break her trust and accept whatever she says with a forced smile. I can not really accept the thing that how come my overnight studies and efforts for gaining marks are due to a monk I don’t even know very well.

          But maybe god does not want me to stay away from with him. J  I really accept that whenever I am scared to the hell I started reciting some shloka’s I learnt when I was a child. When something happens to me like when I lost something precious of mine, or some problem is there. I don’t know why do I do it. But it works every time (well most of the time J) it gives me some time to think and I get something to tackle the problem. I feel a little jealous when I watch some spiritual people depending enthusiastically upon god, and watching them dedicatedly telling a piece of sculpture their problems. I think they might get some support from their trust and belief. I wish I could be like them but I know I cannot accept the existence of god without truly experiencing it. I feel guilty even for thinking about I am selfish and wish that god will make everything good to me.

I wish I would be ever able to trust god unconditionally, I wish I could give my credit to him just like my mother do, so I will be always having someone to believe in always.

The first time I felt how can be being spiritual change your life, the day I read eat, pray , love. There was an paragraph where liz aka Elizabeth Gilbert devotes her gurugeeta to her sister’s son was amazing. I really wished that day I could be able to be such devoting to something. Spending time in a cave and doing your meditation would be quite awesome. Well still I have so much life to live. And I wish to (anyone out there listening to my prayers J) that I will get a chance to be a little spiritual in my life. And I would be able finally find out how it feels being satisfied by devotion…