Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
The first time I read this poem, it was in a book. "The outsiders"
And when ponyboy recites this, the scene seems something magical, I reread it. again and again. but sometimes you know, this happens as we keep reading a line again and again but yet our mind seems not comprehending anything. I was always good at writing meanings of poems when I was back in school but this... It had something deep within to interpret it and understand it.
Few days ago, on Saturday 23 I was lying in my hall, reading a book and enjoying my start of 4 days long holiday due to consecutive week ends and national holiday, when I had a message from my father to leave as early as possible as my grandmother was serious. It took me a minute to absorb what was happening. I felt as if someone had punched in my stomach. I wanted to cry out loud but I didnt know why. And after a while I got that this was it. My deepest and scariest night mare had came true. The message was followed by a call from my neighbor telling me that I should leave as early as possible because Grandma was really serious. But somehow I knew I was never gonna see her again . Dead or Alive.
I packed somethings enough and started my journey to my home where they were already in preparation for cremating her. At first I told my father to wait till I get there, but then I found that it was just an emotional urge, and they couldnt possibly wait till 12 to 12.30 am till I get back to my hometown.
What I first noticed when our bus started its journey that It was a full moon night, and all the way till I reached home the full moon was in sky. Not for a minute I lost its sight.
I remembered all the laughs and moments I had spent with her. a poem I wrote for her when I was in 11th, and I had my first realization that she might not be with me for life time. and how her being there had affected me in every single thing of my life.
The first time she ever surprised me when she said that "We all are born differently, and we only have these bonds of blood to depict that I am someones daughter and someones son, one should never grieve for death, as it is as natural as and which has no control of human beings"
Even after that I didn't want to believe this at the moment, I cried all the way from pune till my hometown, and when I was finally there. There was no body sitting on the couch or in chair or just waiting for me even thought I come late at night.
There was just a small lamp burning where she used to sit, and my mother gingerly took me in her arms, her eyes swollen due to crying. and Then I felt, it wasnt a nightmare after all. She had actually left me, left us. I couldnt cry, couldnt cry anymore, I felt as if tears wont come out, even if I tried. We stayed awake that night, for long, remembering her, talking about her. The next day people came to meet and asked what happened, and my mother told them. each one of them, the same thing.
"she just went in her sleep. We didnt even got when she passed away, She went without making trouble to herself or to others"
I wondered why this doesnt seem hectic to say the same thing 100's of times, but the answer was always there. It was good, talking about her. feeling that she was in our memories and she will be always. On the third day, me and my cousin went for the further funeral where the ashes are collected, and I felt myself crying to the fact that, how can only our bones and ash remains at the end. Is that all? One day I might be there, but isnt all the things she taught me, which I learn from her matters. We weeped silent tears while returning when I remembered how we would laugh with her, how many things of her had contributed to me being whatever I am today.
When we returned home, it just felt as if she has went out to bring flowers or just at my aunts at mumbai or just out somewhere. I just felt as if at any moment she would walk slowly through door, but that would never happen now.
When my friend asked me "Am I alright?" I had only one answer to say that I am all fine. and thousands of things to tell.
My grandmother was a huge part of my life always. I always respected her ways to look at all things clearly, to give everyone a fair chance. To give opportunities to everyone who had been wrong, To love everyone in her family silently without claiming it. She loved travel even in her 85th year. She nurtured her 9 siblings and all our family just the same. She didnt just read the philosophical books, but she understood its actual meaning. She taught me to not to just pray but the peace it gives us.
My mother used to say that it will be really difficult for me to handle her death, but it wasnt difficult, it was impossible to agitate that she was no longer around. but somehow I knew that she will be always with us. with me. in one form or the other.
And the morning when I returned home, and I watched sun rise, painting the whole sky to golden first. and I knew the meaning of Robert Frost's poem above.
Our child hood is the best part of life, the first green when we are new to everything around us. Its the golden time. the best of the times. Thats important and hard too, because it is something which needs to be happen. Life needs to take place.
Our young age is the fruit of the persons life, But it lasts only for a short time.
Then we grow and watch the others around us being in a young age, and we feel as if we are being old. The energy starts transferring from one to other,
We became sad for this part, but The old age brings out the new ones to play the part we played few years ago. Dawn goes down to day.
No matter how bright and amazing person you were, ultimately everyone will face a fall. And so nothing golden can stay.
I felt it more intense that, because when the best person leaves us, their absence reminds us of how much we miss them. How good it was to have them with us.
and I told my friend that "Nothing golden can stay, but that not staying matters. because it gives inspiration for something more bright and best. Its good that I never got to meet her when she was not anymore a person I saw for 21 years. I remember her laughing a toothless smile, walking slowly by taking walls side. reading book by keeping it so close to her face until it touched her nose, praying in front of gods. I dont remember her Dead or not alive.Its like she just disappeared into clouds. Clouds slashed with moon lit starry sky, Clouds drenched in golden sunlight.
She was always golden to me, and always will. "
To Loving Memory of Granny.
Miss you a lot.
Yours always,
Gundi.
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
The first time I read this poem, it was in a book. "The outsiders"
And when ponyboy recites this, the scene seems something magical, I reread it. again and again. but sometimes you know, this happens as we keep reading a line again and again but yet our mind seems not comprehending anything. I was always good at writing meanings of poems when I was back in school but this... It had something deep within to interpret it and understand it.
Few days ago, on Saturday 23 I was lying in my hall, reading a book and enjoying my start of 4 days long holiday due to consecutive week ends and national holiday, when I had a message from my father to leave as early as possible as my grandmother was serious. It took me a minute to absorb what was happening. I felt as if someone had punched in my stomach. I wanted to cry out loud but I didnt know why. And after a while I got that this was it. My deepest and scariest night mare had came true. The message was followed by a call from my neighbor telling me that I should leave as early as possible because Grandma was really serious. But somehow I knew I was never gonna see her again . Dead or Alive.
I packed somethings enough and started my journey to my home where they were already in preparation for cremating her. At first I told my father to wait till I get there, but then I found that it was just an emotional urge, and they couldnt possibly wait till 12 to 12.30 am till I get back to my hometown.
What I first noticed when our bus started its journey that It was a full moon night, and all the way till I reached home the full moon was in sky. Not for a minute I lost its sight.
I remembered all the laughs and moments I had spent with her. a poem I wrote for her when I was in 11th, and I had my first realization that she might not be with me for life time. and how her being there had affected me in every single thing of my life.
The first time she ever surprised me when she said that "We all are born differently, and we only have these bonds of blood to depict that I am someones daughter and someones son, one should never grieve for death, as it is as natural as and which has no control of human beings"
Even after that I didn't want to believe this at the moment, I cried all the way from pune till my hometown, and when I was finally there. There was no body sitting on the couch or in chair or just waiting for me even thought I come late at night.
There was just a small lamp burning where she used to sit, and my mother gingerly took me in her arms, her eyes swollen due to crying. and Then I felt, it wasnt a nightmare after all. She had actually left me, left us. I couldnt cry, couldnt cry anymore, I felt as if tears wont come out, even if I tried. We stayed awake that night, for long, remembering her, talking about her. The next day people came to meet and asked what happened, and my mother told them. each one of them, the same thing.
"she just went in her sleep. We didnt even got when she passed away, She went without making trouble to herself or to others"
I wondered why this doesnt seem hectic to say the same thing 100's of times, but the answer was always there. It was good, talking about her. feeling that she was in our memories and she will be always. On the third day, me and my cousin went for the further funeral where the ashes are collected, and I felt myself crying to the fact that, how can only our bones and ash remains at the end. Is that all? One day I might be there, but isnt all the things she taught me, which I learn from her matters. We weeped silent tears while returning when I remembered how we would laugh with her, how many things of her had contributed to me being whatever I am today.
When we returned home, it just felt as if she has went out to bring flowers or just at my aunts at mumbai or just out somewhere. I just felt as if at any moment she would walk slowly through door, but that would never happen now.
When my friend asked me "Am I alright?" I had only one answer to say that I am all fine. and thousands of things to tell.
My grandmother was a huge part of my life always. I always respected her ways to look at all things clearly, to give everyone a fair chance. To give opportunities to everyone who had been wrong, To love everyone in her family silently without claiming it. She loved travel even in her 85th year. She nurtured her 9 siblings and all our family just the same. She didnt just read the philosophical books, but she understood its actual meaning. She taught me to not to just pray but the peace it gives us.
My mother used to say that it will be really difficult for me to handle her death, but it wasnt difficult, it was impossible to agitate that she was no longer around. but somehow I knew that she will be always with us. with me. in one form or the other.
And the morning when I returned home, and I watched sun rise, painting the whole sky to golden first. and I knew the meaning of Robert Frost's poem above.
Our child hood is the best part of life, the first green when we are new to everything around us. Its the golden time. the best of the times. Thats important and hard too, because it is something which needs to be happen. Life needs to take place.
Our young age is the fruit of the persons life, But it lasts only for a short time.
Then we grow and watch the others around us being in a young age, and we feel as if we are being old. The energy starts transferring from one to other,
We became sad for this part, but The old age brings out the new ones to play the part we played few years ago. Dawn goes down to day.
No matter how bright and amazing person you were, ultimately everyone will face a fall. And so nothing golden can stay.
I felt it more intense that, because when the best person leaves us, their absence reminds us of how much we miss them. How good it was to have them with us.
and I told my friend that "Nothing golden can stay, but that not staying matters. because it gives inspiration for something more bright and best. Its good that I never got to meet her when she was not anymore a person I saw for 21 years. I remember her laughing a toothless smile, walking slowly by taking walls side. reading book by keeping it so close to her face until it touched her nose, praying in front of gods. I dont remember her Dead or not alive.Its like she just disappeared into clouds. Clouds slashed with moon lit starry sky, Clouds drenched in golden sunlight.
She was always golden to me, and always will. "
To Loving Memory of Granny.
Miss you a lot.
Yours always,
Gundi.
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