1984

This was also one of the many books which I had in my To Read list, and now or then it would suddenly pop itself up as one of the mind blowing books you will ever read. 
I did give it a try in hopes of finishing it up, but then I wasn't able to go on after some page. and few days ago when I practically had nothing else to do, I did start it. 

and the result was absolutely surprising. This book I can say is one of those which I sort of hated at first but then once I was starting to understand why the things are the way they are, I had no arguments left. I went on and on reading it in extremely gloomy and sad state of mind and it was equally complimenting my situation. 

In the end I was feeling as if maybe I never thought of this kind of situations or people can exist in the world, and still I was agreeing with each and every sentence of 1984. I was agreed to authors reasons, and his ways of explaining them and ultimately I had to, I had to accept the sad but real thing which was explained in the whole process of book. 

I do hate these kind of books usually, because they contradict my ideas of how world works. I feel like I am being tormented and asked to recheck them in front of thousand juries, who question my each sentence and I am left to feel defeated. But this one was different, it didn't insist upon any thought, it just merely stated in front of the reader and we were left to think about it. and in such a way that readers mind was not able to find a way through the undefeated logic. Although I hated each and every thing presented so cruelly and I had nothing, nothing to question the methods of it. 

So I think this one was just a perfect example of how mankind can degrade with the use of extremity. How we can become our enemies and yet have no doubt or even slightest notion of how far we have come in our own degradation. Never have I felt so lost on my words before; to explain how I felt after reading a book.Still reading 1984 was a pure Ecstasy and Torture and yet Undeniably fulfilling experience of reading something worth. 

To 1984 by George Orwell- Being One of the mind blowing books I have read so far. 

Pluviophile

Ever heard this word- 
HA! It means a lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days...

Oh what a perfect word to describe everything that I feel for rain. 
Well so I guess today I am gonna blabber about my love for rain, because 
1. Its rainy season going on and 
2. I just realized that I am a Pluviophile. More like P-L-U-V-I-O-P-H-I-L-E!

So most likely our affair began long ago I guess, when I first understood what rain is. It was so long ago I dont even remember anymore. 
The first place which was my home in childhood, I would sit out in our porch so as to feel the cool evening breezes which eventually turn into cold wind and then rain starts to fall slowly and then beating on the summer evenings. I still remember the shiny red sunlit sky when my grand mother would tell me that its because Mars is so close to earth now.  I dont know whether it was right or wrong, but really the sky would grow red or magenta like the red and yellow and orange colors faded on wet paper, and logically  I liked to believe that. 
We had huge opening window out in our hall made of wire net whose curtains wouldn't stay still in beating rain, and we would have to tie them up with threads. 
Then the next home we moved in was a little one, of two rooms but we still had a balcony which we shared with one other neighbor, and we lived on first floor but we could see the huge canopy of jasmine flowers and rained flowers in the area below on the ground floor. Man those were my favorite rainy days, when we would listen rain slowly beating up on the steel sheds of our home and clean puddles of water on black granite floors which would turn colder than freezing water. Once we saw a cloud pass so close to our balcony , that we could have caught it with our hands if we were having height enough. I never ever saw any cloud close to that height ever in my life after that incident. I even remember what I wrote in my journal after that. 

"Today kshitija and me saw a cloud passing just above our balcony, we tried to catch it but he seemed to be in hurry of going somewhere so fast" 
Ha Ha! Maybe the cloud wasnt really that close to catch but I like that memory of my childhood, like seeing something impossible for the first time. :)

after that we shifted our home to another place, which also had a window to the hall, and still we could see the beating rain outside or listen to its putter in the night. 
In this part of my memories I have a crazy painful memory, Once I had went to see the dancing programs which they would organize in a fair near to our home. and I was sitting right next to the stage while one girl , 2-3 years younger that me was sitting behind me with her mother. who had an umbrella in her hand. And I wasn't paying attention to her at all until I felt something beat so damn hard in my back, I looked back with the teary eyes and saw her looking at me furiously saying that she told me to move aside as she cant see.She had just beat the end of umbrella on my back.  I just looked at her mother and she took umbrella away from her hands and I went home in pouring rain without seeing the performances after that. 

The next home we shifted had a big villa sort of house in front of our balcony. And they had a really beautiful canopy of small pink flowers at the front door. Me and my sister would go to pick those up if they have fallen on ground after the rain. Me and Kshitija would sit in that balcony with two chairs oppositely facing and sharing one blanket and sipping our tea while laughing at something stupid until mom practically grabbed us in. Damn! How much I miss her now...

after that we shifted to our own home, which is on the ground floor and we have a small area left for a small temple. Well now the rain still putters whole night but then its like behind a closed door. 
One of my most favorite memory of rainy days is once I was returning from Mumbai and our bus had stopped somewhere in slow falling rain, almost like a falling snow, so surreal. and we were at the exact corner of a orange neon light bulb and it seemed as if gold drops were slowly drifting out of the sky. Very slowly, as if being too fragile. 
Then comes the rain in my college where I completed my PG. Its still one of my favorite places in rain, because it feels so beautiful to even take a stroll out there in rain. I can never forget how much I would crave for rain to come down when I would leave the campus so I could have few moments of my own bliss. :)
And then...
Today, I am here. sitting in my small office, watching rain still pour over a small lawn and garden outside. watching two little sparrows hiding in ornamental trees like two lovers seeking for a place to make out, or hundreds of dragon flies circling in sky with sun and rain,and it reminds me of all the time I have been in love with rain. And how lovely the truth feels that it maybe the only thing I will ever treasure in my life, to never ever trade it for all the jewels in the world. And how phenomenal this feeling must be that they had to invent a word for people like us. :D Well these were all the memories I have cherished so far, perhaps my upcoming rains will be more romantic. :)

So this one is to Rain! Being one of the things in my life, for which I live by heart. 
Merci! 

Pillars of Humanity

So it happened this way. I was checking a podcast few days ago, and I heard a new term Nihilism in it. Then after some days I heard another one and so basically it was based on why youth are turning towards this gore and violence of extremists and why it attracts them. 

And then its just not stopping at all. 
So basically Nihilism's lateral meaning is the rejection of all religious and moral principles, often in the belief that life is meaningless.
means whatever we think, and feel and live its all just meaningless as its all going to end one day. A person explained in the podcasts as with the things happening around us in the world, young people are getting such an impression as doing something extreme is an ultimate way of finding solace rather than all the other usual things we do, like getting an education, getting a job which pays us good, marrying someone, having kids, watching them grow and finally die. 
so why not just die just like that. without any other effort. 
and this exact term was the shattering of my beliefs. Why would someone do that? why would someone just give up everything because they feel like it? 

after a lot more such shocking news and the direct relation of word nihilism to the today's worlds situation made me so concern about this. 

Then this monday I read an article by one of my favourite author, which you can also read here 

मानवतेचे आधारस्तंभ (संदीप वासलेकर), and understand if you understand marathi. :P

So the summery of the article was this 

"दहशतवादी हल्ले... बोरिस जॉन्सन व ट्रम्प यांचं द्वेषाचं राजकारण...कडव्या राष्ट्रीयत्वाची कल्पना जोपासणाऱ्या पक्षांचा युरोपात उगम... अशा युगात सर्व जगच द्वेष, तिरस्कार, क्रौर्य यात संपून जाईल असं वरवर वाटतं; पण अशा स्थितीतही मानवतेचा पुरस्कार करणारे असंख्य लोक जगात सगळीकडं आहेत, याची जाणीव ठेवणं आवश्‍यक आहे. "

"Terrorist attacks, boris johnson and trump's politics of hate. In such a era, it feels as if the entire world will finish in hate and anger and violence, but we need to remember even in such situation there are so many people who still support humanity."

The first time I ever read or heard what Nihilism is, I was literally hating the person who would have first thought of this. I have been always a religious and sign believer person. I have had so many such incidence in my life which has made me a believer that somethings beyond explanation do happen in our life, miracles do exist and its not just as simple as we think it is. (Which by the way the Title of my blog shouts all the way  :P)

An another incidence which cause this to shook me from the core when I heard a Syrian student expressing his emotions on the violence they are witnessing. He said he doesnt feel anything now as people are dying around him everyday, he watched his friend die in front of his eyes with a bullet, and he couldnt do anything about it. And the connection was so damn freaking. He wasnt feeling anything because he has no other option left, he was turning into a emotionless person because he does not know what else he can do. A nihilist without even knowing what that is. Isnt its frightening? 

Doesnt this make you realize the worse nightmare of emotionless people attacking you and your world and you cant do anything about it ? Unless you become part of them. Its the worse kind of Zombies symbolism.  

After that I heard the news of attack in Bangladesh,

then there's the attack in Nice by one man,

and then  a Priest being murdered in a Church while giving a sermon.

At one time it became so unbearable as I thought

"Whether I would want my children to live in such hateful world?"

but then I decided to move past this, get over this horrible kind of phase I was going through. 

So in past few weeks, I read so many posts, heard so many podcasts, read articles, watched news and every where its just madness going on. But then I decided to take a break from it. An entire block to all this news and information. After a huge collection of information I wouldnt even look for news anymore. 
And it really seems much better now. Although I am not aware of the recent attack in Germany or in Europe or anywhere else, I am calm and in much better state. I dont spend my evenings watching news anymore, neither that I feel insecure any more. 

And I suppose its the later part of this quote,

"If you cant accept it, change it

and if you cant change it, learn to accept it" 

for me its mostly the later part.  As much as it seems cowardly, I dont have any other way to deal with it.  

 Let them call their lives are meaning less, which probably are because they do not know the happiness of a child when they laugh at something meaning less, they do not know the satisfaction of obtaining an impossible goal, they do not know the strength of love, before they could shape their thoughts and beliefs they get caught up in glorification of false ideas of glory. But this too will change, somewhere someone will get the truth and sooner everything will be right at its place. 

All we have to remember is for years the violence has been there, and the anger and everything that ultimately emerges after a certain period, but life does not stop. And as long as we have hearts beating inside us, we can never go extinct.