Bonne Année!

"All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here suddenly I see
Standing here it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be"

So this was the song I was singing when I was alone on our terrace last year, with my coffee and a cheesy maggie and a pack of salted chips, while I watched the floating lanterns and crescent moon above in the sky. And I was hoping that at least next time I will not have to celebrate my new year like this. 

And today I am writing this post after having an amazing new year bash with my new made friends whose names I didn't even know last week. And we tried to get into a pub but it was almost full so we just sat on the tables outside of the cafeteria where there was no music to deafen our ears but a kind of serene calmness and a company to enjoy and ordered our fried chicken and coke and laughed till my cheeks hurt. 

Then when it was past twelve we all shouted out and wished strangers going by Happy new year and shared cakes with them without even needing to know their names or never having to give them ours. 

There was a time when everyone was shaking hands and giving Happy new year wishes and I could see just the one floating lantern hovering in the sky and that reminded me of my last years alone celebrations of new year. 

I never been so aware of the dynamics of the life, as how things shift right below our feet and it just gets so easy as if riding a slow ride but when we look back its just horrifying tracks which has led us to this very moment. 

Last year been real bitch one with lots of moments of sadness and happiness also. I finally completed my dream of being in a corporate company working as an independent woman. I received my first paycheck as well. and I have learn a great deal about patience in this year. I guess most of the time the good years dont matter as much as the tough ones do. :)

So, 2016 has ended officially and I am starting a real new phase of my life from tomorrow with 2017, I wish the next new year bash will be even more amazing than this. 

Happy New Year! 

Bonne Année!

Merci!

Bangalore Day

Phhew…

Wow what a week.

Well just been shifted to another city… And this time its Bangalore baby…

I had written a extensive blog about Bangalore last time when I was here. I kind of felt it in my nerves that maybe I should try living here for a while too. And as per my wishes and weird visualization skills I have which I am not even sure exists but which always works I have got my joining here in Bangalore. Two of my college got Pune but me… I got Bangalore.

First thing I absolutely adore Bangalore, I am not sure what exactly about this city that attracts me but it gets on my nerves. I feel a kind of clean energizing vibe from this city since the first time ever I set foot into it. And now I am gonna be working here, which is even more fascinating.

Last week been a haze of things happening so fast since I received my joining date and location. Before I was here I was feeling as if these things aren’t happening to me but to someone else. The joining, the location, the rush, to get all the things all in one place. I cant even believe I am sitting in a small apartment where we decided to stay and I am going to be spending quite a bit time here.

I don’t really feel homesick yet, because from past 6 months I have been waiting patiently for this moment when I go into the glass sealed company and start my new career as well as life. Weird thing about visualizing your goals is that they are so definite in terms of their steps, and you cant possibly think of the next one until you have found one already. I kind of hate this feeling, being aloof, being unable to control things. But it turns out to be good every time.

I guess I learnt a great deal of patience in these last 6 months. I have been extremely irritated with this wait and wait and just not being able to finally get what I wanted. The night before I actually received my joining location was one hell of night to remember. I got through it with this one line quote which stuck on my head like a bolt of lightening, “God has it all under control, go to sleep”.  I do get some of these super excited and frightening nights before something big really happens in my life, and it did. The next morning I opened my eyes to my joining mail with Bangalore word high lightened in it. And it was absolute bliss, Like a secret magic wish coming true.  And since then things have been going on pretty good. I guess I will be writing more about my new self in few days.

Merci…

 ☺

The green mile

Well I finally finished second book of Stephen King. And it was absolutely amazing.
Here's a short summery of book,

A first-person narrative told by Paul Edgecombe, the novel switches between Paul as an old man in the Georgia Pines nursing home sharing his story with fellow resident Elaine Connelly in 1996, and his time in 1932 as the block supervisor of the Cold Mountain Penitentiary death row, nicknamed "The Green Mile" for the color of the floor's linoleum. This year marks the arrival of John Coffey, a 6 ft 8 in powerfully built black man who has been convicted of raping and murdering two small white girls. During his time on the Mile, John interacts with fellow prisoners Eduard "Del" Delacroix, a Cajun arsonist, rapist, and murderer, and William Wharton ("Billy the Kid" to himself, "Wild Bill" to the guards), a wild-acting and dangerous multiple murderer who is determined to make as much trouble as he can before he is executed. Other inhabitants include Arlen Bitterbuck, a Native American convicted of killing a man in a fight over a pair of boots (also the first character to die in the electric chair); Arthur Flanders, a real estate executive who killed his father to perpetrate insurance fraud, and whose sentence is eventually commuted to life imprisonment (while serving his sentence, he is killed by another inmate in the laundry room); and Mr. Jingles, a mouse, whom Del teaches various tricks.

Paul and the other guards are antagonized throughout the book by Percy Wetmore, a sadistic guard who enjoys antagonizing the prisoners. The other guards have to be civil to him despite their dislike of him because he is the nephew of the Governor's wife. When Percy is offered a position at the nearby Briar Ridge psychiatric hospital as a secretary, Paul thinks they are finally rid of him. However, Percy refuses to leave until he is allowed to supervise an execution, so Paul hesitantly allows him to run Del's. Percy deliberately avoids soaking a sponge in brine that is supposed to be tucked inside the electrode cap to ensure a quick death in the electric chair. When the switch is thrown, the current causes Del to catch fire in the chair and suffer a prolonged, agonizing demise.

Over time, Paul realizes that John possesses inexplicable healing abilities, which he uses to cure Paul's urinary tract infection and revive Mr. Jingles after Percy stomps on him. Simple-minded and shy, John is very empathic and sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others around him. One night, the guards drug Wharton, then put a straitjacket on Percy and lock him in the padded restraint room so that they can smuggle John out of the prison and take him to the home of Warden Hal Moores. Hal's wife Melinda has an inoperable brain tumor, which John cures. When they return to the Mile, John passes the "disease" from Melinda into Percy, causing him to go mad and shoot Wharton to death before falling into a catatonic state from which he never recovers. Percy is committed to Briar Ridge.

Paul's long-simmering suspicions that John is innocent are proven right when he discovers that it was actually William Wharton who raped and killed the twin sisters and that John was trying to revive them. Later John tells Paul what he saw when Wharton grabbed his arm one time, how Wharton had coerced the sisters to be silent by threatening to kill one if the other made a noise, using their love for each other. Paul is unsure how to help John, but John tells him not to worry, as he is ready to die anyway, wanting to escape the cruelty of the world. John's execution is the last one in which Paul participates. He introduces Mr. Jingles to Elaine just before the mouse dies, having lived 64 years past these events, and explains that those healed by John gained an unnaturally long lifespan. Elaine dies shortly after, never learning how Paul's wife died in his arms immediately after they suffered a bus accident, and that he then saw John Coffey's ghost watching him from an overpass. Paul seems to be all alone, now 104 years old, and wondering how much longer he will live.

I don't really like to read the Gothic or Dark fantasy novels because I hate the feeling of being afraid of something that doesn't exist. But I guess I can make an exception for Stephen King's books. Because its not just the fear that takes control of us while reading his stories. There is something much more to understand and comprehend in it. I loved the small lines which keep lingering even after its gone like the feel of train which left the platform. and all the interconnected parts of the story which makes total sense in long term. And you are trying to remember everything there is to find how it effects the story. 

Green Mile was different in a sense because it kind of made me think about my old age days. The time when Paul is spending his days in retirement home all alone despite his kids. And when Paul's life is at the end he is trying to find ways to spend rest of his life doing something. 

I dont know what I'd be doing to pass my time in my old age, probably too old to read anything and too slow to comprehend them. :D Perhaps I will keep the audiobooks stocked so as to be prepared for the green mile to pass. 

The Body

"The body" well obviously to the name this novel was about a dead body of course by Stephen King the king of mystery. 
First of all I would like to express my happiness for starting my first Stephen kings book because I did not know I was a supreme fan of this author until I found out that he is the one who has written Rita Hayworth and Shawshank redemption so of course whoever has watched Shawshank redemption has to know what kind of an author he is. 
So about this book of course, the body opens with a sort of deep monologue about how hard it is to talk about things we are ashamed of which by the way actually got my nerve. I felt as if someone has written the same thing I haven't quite figured out. 
Later the story turns and twists into an amazing tour of four friends going on a unthinkable adventure in these days that is to go and watch a body. They go through a absolute plan of how to keep their parents fooled while they are gone, they come across mean dump ground keeper and survive a massive train wreck on a bridge of river, witness a really horrible night in a forest which is followed by a soothing morning and like always the sun comes up kind of thing. And finally after lots of hurdles and patience they finally see the dead body over which they fight off with older body that who should report it to police. Ultimately winning the claim to do so by making them afraid with a gun they had stolen . They return back safely  ,never actually report anything to anyone but this adventure kind of turns the narrators life around, making him to keep the good things he has and turning himself into an author while three of his friends dies one after another in different incidences.

The thing I absolutely loved was of course when Gordon witness a deer the next morning after quite a horrible night. The way it is related to the things happening in his older life makes it kind of the readers secret. We absolutely get the kind of feeling it gives us, that how we feel after a massive blow has settled down and we are left with soothing realization that it's alright now. Everything is fine and nothing can go wrong anymore. 
I guess we all have a deer moment reserved inside of us. Keeping us going on from one adventures to another.

I guess I will be posting few reviews about Stephen kings books now, as its like a hidden treasure box for me now.

 

A magic genie and 3 wishes

If only you could have a genie to grant you 3 wishes what would you wish for?

Well of course this isnt probably my original idea to write my post on but its only because I watched a video of people around the world answering this question. And surprisingly the answers seems to be given by a same person.

Here's the video of course if you are interested- The Genie question

What my take away from this was it made me realize how shallow our thoughts about the world are and how easy things seems when we remove all the hurdles in between and add the world "Magic" in it. If you watch the video of course you will find out that most people value their happiness, and their family and money which would make their families happy and of course world peace.

You will still find the same thing wished by a black skinned man sitting in dark as well a white person sitting in a well lit cafe or a small kid living in slums or a beautiful girl sitting in a beautiful garden. What does that tells us? Isnt its rather easy answer to all our doubts and fears from some another part of the world which is not us?

After watching a huge amount of hate and racist behavior not long ago, I personally felt so hurt. It was like watching a modern world take a step back into the darkness where there was suffering of people only because of the differences of their races and color of their skin and the dialect of their languages.
Every time when I read any book regarding this racism issue I feel the same kind of sadness which shakes me to the core the same way it does when I watched people getting beaten by whip. And the only question which is left unanswered that - Is this how hard it is? To give a freedom to another person same as us with flesh and blood and feelings to feel comfortable in their own skin? Why does it takes decades and decades to accept something which we were meant to accept in the first place?

If all the people were Tall and handsome and fair and beautiful and blue eyed would you have admired the beauty of them?
If we all looked like the robots molded out of the same mold would you have accepted that as an equality?
Maybe that would have been better ! at least then there would be no racism term neither all the questions that has left us stunned with the amount of cruelty.

There is a quote in "To  kill a mockingbird" which was my favorite for a long time. This is when Atticus says to James- “You’d be surprised how hard that’d be. I won’t live to see the law
changed, and if you live to see it you’ll be an old man."

I was happy because the world back then had changed, It had given opportunity to a man without considering his race but only his ability to do a job. But then after few years world still had the anger and the same frustration for the race. And now its not only for the race but for religion and for a person holding different values and a different gender suffers from it. ''

I'd just like to say this for the years I will have to witness,

“I have witnessed how hard it is. But I'd like to stay alive till I see the laws changed and more than laws, I would like to see people change so that we wont need any laws to be enforced on them to treat everyone equally."

#Electionnight

So this is my morning starts with a panic attack maybe. As after month and days spent while watching the sudden shift in world where anything you can say as a Probable US president while campaigning your way to the white house.
And till today morning I was absolutely sure that the results will be absolutely clear after the drama that whole world witnessed. But even then, here I am, a someone holding her breath and feeling as if this is something like a black death or a meteor hitting the earths surface while Trump takes lead.
I was looking for the newspaper to find something in it, while the news of 500 and 1000 rs note being disqualified from our economy in search of black money flashes on first page while I dive into the page 8-9 where news of American election might be. And my mother says the news is on first page while I leave the newspaper laughing at our situation when something happening across the worlds end seems more important to me than what has happened in our own country. But isnt everyone(who were aware of the fact of Trump's so called "great big beautiful" presidency) feeling this?
Many the times people need this kind of moment shift maybe, so they can actually feel like living. and then some phrases start to pour themselves as "WWIII, racism, ignorance, disrespect of women,  use of neuclear weapons , a big big great beautiful freaking wall, and what not' I see  the destruction needs only fewer and fewer steps to win.

And it did change, the moment when I was standing among group of people who were absolutely unaware of the fact of consequences of something happening far beyond.
Maybe it is true that there is Happiness in Ignorance. Perhaps I would have been one of those people leading their lives unaware of anything at all.

Maybe I did witness the "World change here today" moment, but I really didn't want to. Or maybe I dont want to be in the world where change meant witnessing something horrific as this. Or maybe I should rather focus on page no. 1 in our news paper rather than digging for 8 or 9 who knows.

So while I helplessly watch someone setting an example of being conservative is a good thing, assaulting women is a good thing, not helping the people who needs help is a good thing, being a racist and insulting war time heros is a good thing, not paying taxes is a good thing, being unaware to listen to the cries our planet sends every day is a good thing, saying lies in front of thousands watching and then denying it in front of the same people is a good thing and ... also this all makes a country great, and despite of all that you can and will still win in this up-sided down world I think to myself that what sort of world we might be leading on.

But of course a but is always there isnt it. I guess I am gonna have to keep hell of work into myself while adjusting to the new situations and tackling such more shocks after this. And more than that I guess I will have to be hell of a mother to set an example before my future off spring that this wasnt what we were. It was just so out of control and we were a victim of it, just born at the wrong time to witness a tragedy. 

Outliers-a person or thing differing from all other members of a particular group or set

So here’s my review to “Outliers”

First thing, its way way way amazing book than I had thought it would be. And then its just something you don’t often find easily.

I guess my review is going to be slightly overwhelming with the kind of thoughts I had while I was reading through. But still…

Would you believe if someone told you if you are willing to put enough efforts you can master anything in this world? Well I do, I absolutely do believe that now.

What Malcolm tells you through this book, you can not find easily anywhere. It’s the kind of thing which has to be the extract of most studied logical things and stories around the world.

I loved the reasoning in each story of this book, and the impeccable logic with which each thing was explained. There is not a single thing about which I have objection which was mentioned in this whole course of book.

Often we look at the success as something only a born genius can do, but this book has taught me literally that geniuses aren’t born, they are made. Made with hours and hours of the knowledge they can gather and perfect it over the course of time. This book has made me believe that your success in life is not only depending on your luck but is also depending on how much you are willing to give your time to be perfect in the thing that you absolutely love.

And that also success is not directly proportional to your talent, rather its just hardwork vs nothing else. I feel so strongly after reading this as there in nothing in this world we can conquer if we are willing to put enough efforts in it.

Well I might be sounding too phony by this time, but that’s all there was which I understood and loved a quote from this book,

“No one who can rise before dawn three hundred sixty days a year fails to make his family rich” its an old Chinese proverb and absolutely amazing because it delivers something difficult in such simple and easy way.

Well I would give all stars on the scale for “Outliers”, Malcolm you truly are an amazing writer, speaker and I guess soon I am going to finish all the books under your name tag!

Merci!

1984

This was also one of the many books which I had in my To Read list, and now or then it would suddenly pop itself up as one of the mind blowing books you will ever read. 
I did give it a try in hopes of finishing it up, but then I wasn't able to go on after some page. and few days ago when I practically had nothing else to do, I did start it. 

and the result was absolutely surprising. This book I can say is one of those which I sort of hated at first but then once I was starting to understand why the things are the way they are, I had no arguments left. I went on and on reading it in extremely gloomy and sad state of mind and it was equally complimenting my situation. 

In the end I was feeling as if maybe I never thought of this kind of situations or people can exist in the world, and still I was agreeing with each and every sentence of 1984. I was agreed to authors reasons, and his ways of explaining them and ultimately I had to, I had to accept the sad but real thing which was explained in the whole process of book. 

I do hate these kind of books usually, because they contradict my ideas of how world works. I feel like I am being tormented and asked to recheck them in front of thousand juries, who question my each sentence and I am left to feel defeated. But this one was different, it didn't insist upon any thought, it just merely stated in front of the reader and we were left to think about it. and in such a way that readers mind was not able to find a way through the undefeated logic. Although I hated each and every thing presented so cruelly and I had nothing, nothing to question the methods of it. 

So I think this one was just a perfect example of how mankind can degrade with the use of extremity. How we can become our enemies and yet have no doubt or even slightest notion of how far we have come in our own degradation. Never have I felt so lost on my words before; to explain how I felt after reading a book.Still reading 1984 was a pure Ecstasy and Torture and yet Undeniably fulfilling experience of reading something worth. 

To 1984 by George Orwell- Being One of the mind blowing books I have read so far. 

Pluviophile

Ever heard this word- 
HA! It means a lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days...

Oh what a perfect word to describe everything that I feel for rain. 
Well so I guess today I am gonna blabber about my love for rain, because 
1. Its rainy season going on and 
2. I just realized that I am a Pluviophile. More like P-L-U-V-I-O-P-H-I-L-E!

So most likely our affair began long ago I guess, when I first understood what rain is. It was so long ago I dont even remember anymore. 
The first place which was my home in childhood, I would sit out in our porch so as to feel the cool evening breezes which eventually turn into cold wind and then rain starts to fall slowly and then beating on the summer evenings. I still remember the shiny red sunlit sky when my grand mother would tell me that its because Mars is so close to earth now.  I dont know whether it was right or wrong, but really the sky would grow red or magenta like the red and yellow and orange colors faded on wet paper, and logically  I liked to believe that. 
We had huge opening window out in our hall made of wire net whose curtains wouldn't stay still in beating rain, and we would have to tie them up with threads. 
Then the next home we moved in was a little one, of two rooms but we still had a balcony which we shared with one other neighbor, and we lived on first floor but we could see the huge canopy of jasmine flowers and rained flowers in the area below on the ground floor. Man those were my favorite rainy days, when we would listen rain slowly beating up on the steel sheds of our home and clean puddles of water on black granite floors which would turn colder than freezing water. Once we saw a cloud pass so close to our balcony , that we could have caught it with our hands if we were having height enough. I never ever saw any cloud close to that height ever in my life after that incident. I even remember what I wrote in my journal after that. 

"Today kshitija and me saw a cloud passing just above our balcony, we tried to catch it but he seemed to be in hurry of going somewhere so fast" 
Ha Ha! Maybe the cloud wasnt really that close to catch but I like that memory of my childhood, like seeing something impossible for the first time. :)

after that we shifted our home to another place, which also had a window to the hall, and still we could see the beating rain outside or listen to its putter in the night. 
In this part of my memories I have a crazy painful memory, Once I had went to see the dancing programs which they would organize in a fair near to our home. and I was sitting right next to the stage while one girl , 2-3 years younger that me was sitting behind me with her mother. who had an umbrella in her hand. And I wasn't paying attention to her at all until I felt something beat so damn hard in my back, I looked back with the teary eyes and saw her looking at me furiously saying that she told me to move aside as she cant see.She had just beat the end of umbrella on my back.  I just looked at her mother and she took umbrella away from her hands and I went home in pouring rain without seeing the performances after that. 

The next home we shifted had a big villa sort of house in front of our balcony. And they had a really beautiful canopy of small pink flowers at the front door. Me and my sister would go to pick those up if they have fallen on ground after the rain. Me and Kshitija would sit in that balcony with two chairs oppositely facing and sharing one blanket and sipping our tea while laughing at something stupid until mom practically grabbed us in. Damn! How much I miss her now...

after that we shifted to our own home, which is on the ground floor and we have a small area left for a small temple. Well now the rain still putters whole night but then its like behind a closed door. 
One of my most favorite memory of rainy days is once I was returning from Mumbai and our bus had stopped somewhere in slow falling rain, almost like a falling snow, so surreal. and we were at the exact corner of a orange neon light bulb and it seemed as if gold drops were slowly drifting out of the sky. Very slowly, as if being too fragile. 
Then comes the rain in my college where I completed my PG. Its still one of my favorite places in rain, because it feels so beautiful to even take a stroll out there in rain. I can never forget how much I would crave for rain to come down when I would leave the campus so I could have few moments of my own bliss. :)
And then...
Today, I am here. sitting in my small office, watching rain still pour over a small lawn and garden outside. watching two little sparrows hiding in ornamental trees like two lovers seeking for a place to make out, or hundreds of dragon flies circling in sky with sun and rain,and it reminds me of all the time I have been in love with rain. And how lovely the truth feels that it maybe the only thing I will ever treasure in my life, to never ever trade it for all the jewels in the world. And how phenomenal this feeling must be that they had to invent a word for people like us. :D Well these were all the memories I have cherished so far, perhaps my upcoming rains will be more romantic. :)

So this one is to Rain! Being one of the things in my life, for which I live by heart. 
Merci! 

Pillars of Humanity

So it happened this way. I was checking a podcast few days ago, and I heard a new term Nihilism in it. Then after some days I heard another one and so basically it was based on why youth are turning towards this gore and violence of extremists and why it attracts them. 

And then its just not stopping at all. 
So basically Nihilism's lateral meaning is the rejection of all religious and moral principles, often in the belief that life is meaningless.
means whatever we think, and feel and live its all just meaningless as its all going to end one day. A person explained in the podcasts as with the things happening around us in the world, young people are getting such an impression as doing something extreme is an ultimate way of finding solace rather than all the other usual things we do, like getting an education, getting a job which pays us good, marrying someone, having kids, watching them grow and finally die. 
so why not just die just like that. without any other effort. 
and this exact term was the shattering of my beliefs. Why would someone do that? why would someone just give up everything because they feel like it? 

after a lot more such shocking news and the direct relation of word nihilism to the today's worlds situation made me so concern about this. 

Then this monday I read an article by one of my favourite author, which you can also read here 

मानवतेचे आधारस्तंभ (संदीप वासलेकर), and understand if you understand marathi. :P

So the summery of the article was this 

"दहशतवादी हल्ले... बोरिस जॉन्सन व ट्रम्प यांचं द्वेषाचं राजकारण...कडव्या राष्ट्रीयत्वाची कल्पना जोपासणाऱ्या पक्षांचा युरोपात उगम... अशा युगात सर्व जगच द्वेष, तिरस्कार, क्रौर्य यात संपून जाईल असं वरवर वाटतं; पण अशा स्थितीतही मानवतेचा पुरस्कार करणारे असंख्य लोक जगात सगळीकडं आहेत, याची जाणीव ठेवणं आवश्‍यक आहे. "

"Terrorist attacks, boris johnson and trump's politics of hate. In such a era, it feels as if the entire world will finish in hate and anger and violence, but we need to remember even in such situation there are so many people who still support humanity."

The first time I ever read or heard what Nihilism is, I was literally hating the person who would have first thought of this. I have been always a religious and sign believer person. I have had so many such incidence in my life which has made me a believer that somethings beyond explanation do happen in our life, miracles do exist and its not just as simple as we think it is. (Which by the way the Title of my blog shouts all the way  :P)

An another incidence which cause this to shook me from the core when I heard a Syrian student expressing his emotions on the violence they are witnessing. He said he doesnt feel anything now as people are dying around him everyday, he watched his friend die in front of his eyes with a bullet, and he couldnt do anything about it. And the connection was so damn freaking. He wasnt feeling anything because he has no other option left, he was turning into a emotionless person because he does not know what else he can do. A nihilist without even knowing what that is. Isnt its frightening? 

Doesnt this make you realize the worse nightmare of emotionless people attacking you and your world and you cant do anything about it ? Unless you become part of them. Its the worse kind of Zombies symbolism.  

After that I heard the news of attack in Bangladesh,

then there's the attack in Nice by one man,

and then  a Priest being murdered in a Church while giving a sermon.

At one time it became so unbearable as I thought

"Whether I would want my children to live in such hateful world?"

but then I decided to move past this, get over this horrible kind of phase I was going through. 

So in past few weeks, I read so many posts, heard so many podcasts, read articles, watched news and every where its just madness going on. But then I decided to take a break from it. An entire block to all this news and information. After a huge collection of information I wouldnt even look for news anymore. 
And it really seems much better now. Although I am not aware of the recent attack in Germany or in Europe or anywhere else, I am calm and in much better state. I dont spend my evenings watching news anymore, neither that I feel insecure any more. 

And I suppose its the later part of this quote,

"If you cant accept it, change it

and if you cant change it, learn to accept it" 

for me its mostly the later part.  As much as it seems cowardly, I dont have any other way to deal with it.  

 Let them call their lives are meaning less, which probably are because they do not know the happiness of a child when they laugh at something meaning less, they do not know the satisfaction of obtaining an impossible goal, they do not know the strength of love, before they could shape their thoughts and beliefs they get caught up in glorification of false ideas of glory. But this too will change, somewhere someone will get the truth and sooner everything will be right at its place. 

All we have to remember is for years the violence has been there, and the anger and everything that ultimately emerges after a certain period, but life does not stop. And as long as we have hearts beating inside us, we can never go extinct. 

A walk to remember

Ha! This post isn't about the damnable book "A walk to remember" by Nicolas Sparks. Which by the way I hate..

So moving on!
Yes! I finally started my Morning walk.
I am not at all a morning person, I mean literally I have spent my life's 22 years in sleeping until sun rays actually annoys me. I used to stay awake around 1 or 2 am to finish up my books, or sudden creative urges to finish up paintings or sketches(Which I had to do that night, or else world will collide!), or just stay awake, without blinking an eye, while thinking about school memories, or recent movie or literally terror attacks! My mind just wouldn't shut off with all the information I have gathered in the whole day.

I always wanted to start this morning walk thing, although I suck at getting up early by alarm clock, or getting my self out of bed seems like a night mare, but this time. I totally did it. I did it and I came back yesterday and looked up for benefits of morning walks so they can keep me going on the next day and the next day and so on. And I am totally loving it.

So the most important thing about walk is, you dont have to do anything except just go farther and farther away, and at some point it just seems like you dont even want the road to finish. I had my headphones on and Beatle's Martha my dear was playing on. and I felt so good about everything that was going on. The only sound of my feets in absolute calm, few birds chirping away and just soft notes of Martha drifting like miraculous song out of nowhere. And it was sublime, just one of my kind of bliss moments.
Although Morning walks may have lots of healthy benefits, I guess for me its the moment of peace... When no one is shouting, talking, no vehicles disturbing the road. I love the way it feels, when I am accompanied by nothing else but the surrounding and myself.

Now its just rainy season about to finish, Soon enough I may be able to see the sunrise as well! Holding on to that moment till then... :)

So  To a new change, I wish I'd keep this resolution up :)

Merci!

Wuthering Heights

How can someone even exist being so cruel?

That was my reaction when I read first scene from this book which shaken me up.
Then I was like,
Just keep reading, Just keep reading like Dory from Finding Nemo. Expecting something good will happen in the end. and what?

I cant believe I even decided to read this crap book, I hated it...I hated every character of it. Hated the way they were behaving with each others and with themselves.

Well it is a love story, of two extremely selfish people. And the man is so freaking psychopath that he turns onto the family which took him in when he was an orphan and lost. He behaves so recklessly when he is of age and grabs everything of the family ever own. He becomes the ghost probably after his death as if he lived an saint life before. I can not say anyone ever frighten me this much before from a book than Mr. Heathcliff.
Its not only the way he acts, there's something demonic about him. He traps people in his sweet talks and then makes them do what he wants them to do. Whatever he did I can not at all accept, was for the love of his life. And the only soft spot he ever had was for his dead lover. Damn you... :(

At first few times I wanted to stop reading it because I couldn't read it with the sort of violence it had, but then I felt as if maybe I have gone too soft hearted after reading whole sophisticated stories, and at some point I need to face reality.  So I kept going on, to find a golden line to the reckless cloud of raging storm. But none... None at all. Wasnt worth it...

I have read three classics now Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering heights all from English classics. and I guess I feel as there is something very deep to understand with the society they lived in. We would not speak such language as of magnanimity, trepidation, bereavement... But they would have direct philosophical conversation as if they are asking whether you had dinner or tea. What appeals to me more is that how could people speak in such difficult thought process in just few seconds. There are values, morality, ethics, behavioral traits everywhere in their conversations.

We speak about these things in certain scenario now a days, we need lectures or specific people to talk about morals and values or specific environment to speak about them. At first I would get annoyed as well as why do they have to talk so difficult about everything. But it seems a luxury in today's world when we do not have time neither ears to listen to values and morals everyday, every minute.
Perhaps that is the one thing I have learn so far in  my expedition of classic literature.
As time has changed but our concepts still stay the same, hidden and ignored among the time layers, we might have used our time of the whole day for the important chores and have forgotten how to still keep in touch with our inner self, but its still there.

 Morality, Upbringing, Manners, Education, Values, Love, Sensibility... Its still there. Just wrapped up in a different styles, and hidden somewhere deep beneath.


To Wuthering Heights. The book I hated after a long time... :P

what would be my last words?

Crazy thought ha... 

Well not so much. 

we live our life in so many different forms, we start our life with a cry to live and then go on till we draw our last breath. 

My first words could be , momma or dada, yours could be something else...those are indefinite. 

but what about our last words?

If ever they had such importance for our own sake, wouldn't you plan for them? :)

so I read this one article which had this collection of famous people's last words. 
and there came one entry as,

"And according to Steve Jobs' sister Mona, the Apple founder's last words were, "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow."

and so we draw a conclusion as he might be remembering the things he's done in his life. and so that is why he was feeling great about them, so he said the words... or maybe not. Only steve could be the one to answer that. 

so for those of you who have read his speech addressed in stanford university, do you remember he would say to himself everyday a question?

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”

so He did what he felt by thinking about the moment of death, and so there comes the 'Oh wow!'
well things are still hypothetical here, but if we looked at the optimistic way, he could be thinking the same.  While he was lying there, and he knew it was gonna be his moment. 

hmm. but well, he was steve jobs, Duh. the man was born wonder I guess, on a second note, I would like to say "oh wow" on my death bed, while it wont be my last words of course. 
But as I think about it, I may die anytime from now on. (Please dont misunderstand, its just an expression, I have no plan to perish before I am officially an 80 year old grandma, with at least 3 grand childrens. :D ) but still. if suppose I died before that, will I be remembering the blog I am writing right now, in a small office room of an engineering college, with a rainy day weather out of the window and a sort of uncomfortable feeling I have right now? 
Or will I be thinking about the most happiest moment of my life happened till now or which will happen in future? 
Or the most saddest thing I experienced in my life?
Or the people in my life who loved me the most, or whom I loved the most?
Or will I be just glad to finally get over life and on a new journey(if suppose there is an after life)...
Or? Or? Or?

And I remembered  a song of Disney's movie, Tangled, I thought might be my last words. :D

after looking at the question of "What happens when we die?" like closed door for my entire life and if I see any light which leads into somewhere and something else unknown, I will be singing,

"And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted"

Ha. Ha! Kudos to my Last words arrangements Amigos!

To the Last words! (Which are useless anyway if you Reeeaallly think about it! :D)

Merci!

Fear = thinking * time

Take either one of them away, there shall be no more fear... 

I heard this awesome formula in a podcast. Which was about fear and conquest of fear.
Well what do we fear, in the span of our entire life we have fear of lots if things . fear of failing. Fear of falling. Fear of getting rejected. Fear of lots of things which accumulated over the period with our experiences.

My worse fear in my life would be failing at something or getting insulted by someone. Even after 4-5 years I can not forget something which has made Me feel uncomfortable about something. I was never the bright student In my school. I was rather a silent mode girl lost in my thoughts. But as i hit the bottom after my 12th,and I decided I will never let anyone make Me feel small. I would not let them look at my failure and laugh. I would rather be called a sincere geek but I will not bound. Over the period my hardwork paid and I got that it does not matter. The prejudice people have about you does not matter. In The end no body cares. Even I don't care who is gaining sky scraping success or who is struggling. Why should anyone care what I do. And then it was clear to Me that. I will not waste my time trying to please others and fitting into the stereotypes. I'd rather be what I want. And I think that Is how I have overcome my fear of losing.

The person in podcast told a way to overcome The fear.  A rejection theory. In order to overcome our fear of rejection we need to defeat it by coming across situations where we get rejected
. ha. What a awesome way to defeat something. :D I loved this a lot. I guess I will try as well to implement in my life to over come the fear of lots of things. 

And also. A one more monologue from game of thrones.

"Can a man still be brave when he is afraid?

That is the only time  a man can be brave. "

To the conquest of fear... ;)