Me too

The first time I saw this one a friends Facebook wall and thought it might just be a fad newly founded to make the wall posts about. 

The more I researched about it, it seemed like a pit of darkness I don’t wish to fall into, because it reminds me of the time I had been there too. 

Now it isn't just two words pronounced together to make headline, there is whole bunch of pain and sadness behind it which everyone belonging to this group can feel. 

I met a friend who had been through it too, worse than mine as she went into depression and therapy to recover from the pain and shock. 

I on the other hand never really paid much attention to what happened to me in a bus because I tried to convince myself that it was just mere few seconds although it made me feel the worse for each time I thought about it. 

As I think about it now when the Me too movement makes us look at this ugly truth we have been hiding behind our smiling faces and decent images. 

I wonder why did I keep feeling it was my fault even when it wasn’t. 

Why my friend went into depression even when it wasn’t her fault and the person who did it might have laughed at it. 

I remember myself crying on a dark night when there was a news on a channel that a 6 months’ baby was raped by her uncle and then she died. 

I remember feeling scared of the surrounding listening to the news of a girl being raped 8 days and then killed in my own country. 

I was passing on road in cab as I could see people protesting roadside with her face on a black placard in their hands, and I turned my head away just because it would give me night mares of the innocent girl asking the questions I do not have answers to. 

Yes. They hide the gore details because we are not strong enough to read it and get through it. 

It makes us feel scared, ashamed and tired and eventually helpless because no matter how harsh we make the laws against these people who defy the whole meaning of being a human, things like this keep happening. Almost all of us face this hideous feeling once in life time when you are scared and ashamed of yourself, ashamed of womanhood. 

Sex is a taboo where we deal with it on daily basis but it has deep roots in our minds regarding its sanity and its importance. 

Laws will never ever make a difference unless the children we raise have the very understanding of how it feels to a woman to be groped and fondled or grabbed in public or private place. 

What it does to our minds and our ability to be stronger and better and fearless. 

I chose my ways of being careful about the timings I go out and always making sure I have backup plan and always paying extra attention to my surroundings. 

But that does not make any difference to that horrible feeling I get when I see my cab driver taking another turn by leaving the tracking pattern. 

I am careful about not making eye contact on road or in public transport but that does not fail to make me uncomfortable a gaze casually watching me like a predator watching its prey. 

Even though I try to come early back home, that doesn’t make me feel less afraid when the clock reaches past 7. 

Me too might have begun revealing how big this issue actually is, but that will not stop happening. 

If only they could find a way to deliver this to the generations on their way to adulthood and make them realize that it’s not okay to do something as this to anyone. 

Maybe this might take a long, long time but I wish I will not have to tell my daughters to come home before dark or not to enter any unknown dark place because it might lead to something that they are not prepared to deal with. 

Well I am just wishful…