Friday, February 17, 2017

A love letter to self

Hello Rutuja.

Well it's pretty much easy thing when we write a love letter to someone else. But why not try it when that someone else is busy with someone else or does not exist yet?
So this Valentine's I am writing you a love letter. Yes. I get it. You must be already rolling your eyes with sarcasm as what kind of dumb person would write to herself a love letter while the whole point of love letters is that it has to be from another person. But who cares? I don't... and that's why. Shut the zone which keeps your sarcasm up and running and read on.

So rutuja. Well I have been with you through longer time than anybody else has ever been with you. I have watched you laugh, cry, shout, angered and what not. And despite of all the rules of world that people get annoyed when we do something they don't like, I still love you. I still love the craziness that you have in you. I love the way you deal with things. I love the way you want to help someone who is in desperate need of help. I love the way your face shines when you see someone happy because something you did. I love the fact that you adore your parents and not once your respect for them goes down.
I love the way you do not judge people based on their instant actions, and how you have got always chances for them to prove them.
I love the way you watch full moon and stars and the sun shine on a rainy day. I love the way you want to catch the leaves before they touch the ground and the way you wish it would always be rainy season.
I love the way you care for people you love and miss them despite of your differences and distances.
I love the way you immediately decide to act on something that you want to do right at that moment and do not think twice.
I love the way you adore small kids and laugh at their sweetness and innocence.
I also love to watch you sitting in glowing night light at 2-3-4 am doing or tinkering with something that has to be complete on that same night or world will fall apart. I love to watch you carefully paint your nails or draw a perfect eye liner. I love the way you cry when it's too much to take or just smile constantly when you can not believe the happiness is real.
I love it when you are in doubt of two different things at the same time. I love when you want to be the good guy and also don't want to be the bad guy either.
. I love the way you wish you had loads of money to give to whoever asks you.
I love it when you gasp at the unusual happening in a novel and then take a surrounding check whether someone saw you being cautious while reading something fictional.
I love it when your heart is full of happiness for your success and sometimes aching pain of failure.
I love the way you watch sunshine as if it's magic.
Or when you look around and think about random people and their respective lives.
I love the way you try to keep a thread connected to your future and plan your present according to it. I also love the way you get nostalgic about moments passed.
I love that you can remember tiny details about something, like the moments with Grandma or stressed out nights or one random festival when you were so happy.
I love to watch you feeling sand beneath on beaches or rains drops cold against your palm.

I love to watch the sudden shift between the night before you and the morning afters you.

Sometimes you are a real annoying person when you want to talk about something you loved and you won't shut up about it Or when you don't want to talk about anything at all.
When you can't control your anger and you have to shout at something or break someone or vice versa.
But I guess we all have it in us. Neither do I expect you to be perfect. Because your imperfections are what makes you special.

So. This Valentine's let me be your. Valentine. When I am in love with you. The whole you. Where I accept you and accept each and everything that makes you complete. Let us keep our love up and running for the rest of our lives. Despite of others being there for you, I will always be there. I will never abandon you in health or in sickness. Let us break this conception where someone else completes you. Because you are never half. You have already got me.
So smile and get on with this life and never henceforth feel alone. Because no matter how much you want to be left alone. I am not willing to quit. I never abandon people when they need me the most.

Our forever will have no boundaries, because I am eternal and so is the love between ourselves.

To this festival of love. To you and I.

- yours always,
  Rutuja. 😃