Infinite chances

Anish

She started to close her eyes, and finally slept.  Clutching her pillow close to her.

Her brown streaked hairs still tied in messy knot, falling over her cheeks; she slept like a little baby. Lips slightly parted, and breathing slowly as night was moving.

Everything was so quiet and dark except the lamp on the table. Even those wind chimes were not clinking. Her mother might be sleeping downstairs, it’s been too late. But shriya was always been a hard worker and tomorrow is a big day for her. She stayed up till 4 and then finally slept. Stirring in her sleep as her dreams went on, like never ending movies, just the different ones always, entire night, as she had told me once.

She would get so many dreams, even in the morning she wakes half into a blurred dream, and half in reality. But now she was sleeping, quietly….

I stretched out and threw my head back on the chair. I could see the fan revolving but there was no sensation of breeze around me. I wasn’t feeling anything though. The last sensation I had, was just a hitting I had on my neck and then I was completely senseless as if the pain or sensation nerves in my brain has disappeared.

“Aniii”

I can still hear my mother screaming, patting my cheeks ,Dad making call. And surprisingly I could see all this. Senselessly.  And then I was in her room.

I stayed on the chair without moving at all, hands crossed on my chest, hearing the wind chimes clinking. Slowly and randomly, with the cold breezes though window.

Then I waited and waited counting every second, listening to every sound I could, and sun strokes came through window.

And then alarm clock buzzed.

1 nights earlier…

Shriya:

“Shriya”

I heard my name like someone was calling me and I woke up. All soaked up in sweat, and my breaths coming sharp. I was still sitting by the table and it was still dark; I wondered what the timing was. I looked up at the hanging watch it was 12 am. Exactly 12 in the midnight. I could

still hear the clock softly hitting 12 bells in the hall. I couldn’t count all, but still they were buzzing.

My heartbeats were fast and I was trying to remember what woke me up. It was too dizzy but I could still remember the voice calling my name. It wasn’t even calling me either; it was just somebody screaming my name. I opened up my laptop and notes again and worked up some finishing details. It took me around 4 hours to finish up the presentation as I wanted it to be. 

I leaned back and hold the pillow, but I couldn’t sleep. After some hours maybe I fell asleep.

Finally alarm was on and I woke up. I went downstairs and as usual went towards the front door to pick up paper; I couldn’t find it at the door. So I came back, and looked in the hall. It was on the table; I picked it up and went to kitchen.

Expecting Ma making coffee for me but she wasn’t there.

“Ma…” I called her. But she didn’t reply back. I went to her room, maybe she was still sleeping but she wasn’t there either.

I went to front door, maybe she was on porch.

But I saw her coming through gate, still in her sleeping cloths. Keys were in her hands. I also noticed unusual crowd outside our neighbor’s house. What she was doing out at 6 am?and what was the matter with …?

“Ma?” I asked her.

“shriya.. come on. Lets get inside.” She was looking as if she was crying.

“wh ..what happened?” I asked her and she followed me inside.

She sat on sofa , kept hands on her face and asked me for a glass of water.

I went into kitchen, “where were you? And what’s the matter with anish’s house.”I asked her while filling glass with water.

“ There are so …” I handed her the glass.

She took a sip and stayed calm for a second or two and then asked me to sit besides her.

“beta Anish had a terrible accident last night” she said.

“what?” I snapped. But he was … out on the training, is he safe? What happened? Anybody died?  God. No.

14 missed calls.

“what are you talking about? When did this happen?” I was still in shock.

She inhaled deeply, took another sip of water and said

“ last night, around 12 . They were heading back here from his training. and a truck hit their car standing aside the road.”

“oh my god.. are they alright?”I asked her. I remembered a vogue memory from last night.

She started crying suddenly.

“Ma. What happened?” I kept my hand on her shoulder. She was shaking.

“Anish… Anish he is in coma. Reema and satish are alright they were on the back seat. but he… he” she was saying in sobs.

Oh no.. no no no.. that’s not true. I couldn’t breathe. …Nooo. How can he?

“Ma but…” I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I was feeling like someone might have hit me in my stomach.

14 missed calls…

“He was sitting on front seat and that … that hitting was so forceful that he had severe injuries..”,she said.

14 missed calls…

“They took him to hospital, but he was already under shock and. ”

14 missed calls…

“But …” I just said breathless and sat on the sofa besides her.

I constantly remembered the message on my phone’s screen, the night before yesterday night.

9.46 pm.

13 missed calls…

10.02 pm

14 missed calls…

I hadn’t picked up any of his calls, night before last night. Neither the nights before, he had called every night, maybe hoping I’d answer. But I couldn’t … I couldn’t let myself, I couldn’t gather courage. But I didn’t even wanted them to stop, I wanted that … I wanted it to buzz, I wanted that part of my life … just go on… forever if it takes. I wanted him to wait for me, and I would have too… just looking at the ring, and seeing it, and never picking it up. I knew he was helplessly wishing there, somewhere… waiting for, for my voice. And it gave me pleasure, even at least for few minutes and then emptiness… but still… still…

I looked at my mother, sobbing softly. She cried a minute more and I was just looking at her. I just didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t cry either. It was just .. I didn’t know what to do.

She stopped then and told me to get ready for college. I asked whether I should stay today but she said no and called school that she wasn’t coming today.

I went to take shower. When I returned I stared towards his room as I used to do. It was so unbelieving that he wasn’t there today as always, rustling his bag, or reading something or studying. He was … gone. Perhaps never to…? No. I shouldn’t think like this. Stop it.

I saw his relatives coming home, moving here and there and calling other people. I didn’t know why I wasn’t crying, I just felt so stiff about what was happening around me.

“shriya.” I looked towards the door, Ma was standing there.

“am going to reema’s. just go to college,ok?”

“yeah. I will” I said. And then she went downstairs.

I exhaled and saw myself in mirror. And felt someone behind me, but when I looked, there was no one… false alarm. I resumed getting ready.

I made a high pony tail of my hairs and filled bag with books. And after 15 minutes I left. It was almost 8 am by then.

When I reached college , meenal was there in parking lot surrounded by our classmates.

“heey” he called out and I looked towards her.

“you heard?” she had a shocking expression on her face.

I understood what she was talking about.

“ah yeah. Yeah I did”

Of course who wouldn’t know him? He was the best of our seniors, brilliant but not a nerd of course. 1 year senior to me, anish sharma was the best student at my college. and once my….

he was in the last year, had placed at cisco and was going to move to Mumbai soon. We were arranging the best fare well party for them and …suddenly he was just nowhere.

Yeah we were not only neighbors but college mates too and...

“What a shocking news.. I still can’t believe it. “She said.

“Yeah .. Me neither.” I said flatly.

I still didn’t understand why I can’t believe the news, he had an accident and now he in coma. He could have died. I wish…

I wish I could see him.

See him? few days ago I didn’t even wanted to hear his voice…my mind snapped with sarcasm. And I was lost in my thoughts. And she brought me back, “shriya? Are you alright? Did you see him?”

“No. “I thought for a seconds or two, “not yet”

“I think we should go.” I said to her.

“we have a day off from lectures today. Some meetings of teachers about that accreditation stuff. “ Nikhil announced coming back from classroom.

“hmm. Lets go to canteen.” Neha said.

“I have a presentation today, I will be at library. see you at practical’s ok?” I said. I just wanted to be alone.

“ hey are you alright?” she said with a concern.

“yeah. Am fine.” I said looking at her.

“you sure…” she said.

“yes..”

“Okay then see you After your presentation” she waved at me, and went with my classmates.

I headed towards library. This was the only place in college where I used to meet him. Nothing much, just for little chats. Usually library was deserted place for a management college except for exam times. Everyone had better places to hangout and even though it was the calmest place at our campus, anyone rarely came here. But this one was his favorite, actually our favorite.

I climbed up the steps of library, and went inside by passing the large door. I couldn’t really think of what to do so I just went near a table and chair near window. I could see neha and Nikhil and some other of my classmates at the canteen.

I looked around myself, as usual no one was here except our old librarian and some students, there was a little chill into the air, making surrounding more dark and mysterious. I took a deep breath and leaned back on my chair, folding legs in front of me.

As I closed eyes, and remembered a memory.

I was in my room, mostly 7-8 years old. I was playing alone as I used to do. I heard ma calling me downstairs.

I was standing near the curtains of hall door, I looked and saw a women of my mothers age sitting with a boy of almost my age. The boy… all I could notice was his dark black big eyes, and

straight nose, and hairs stood up like mad scientist. We were looking at each other with the same expression perhaps.

“Oh there she is, come here shri. “ ma said.

I looked at her. “that’s mrs. Sharma. Our neighbor. And that’s anish.” She said pointed towards the boy.

“hello shriya. Such a cute name you have.” The women said in a sweet voice.

I smiled at her. “ so in which standard you are?”she asked.

“first.” I replied.

“ oh anish is 1 year older than you. He is in second.” She said while looking at him.

He was looking at me, and then he smiled.

“ go..” His mother forced him.

He stayed still. Rather refusing her.

“go beta.. don’t be shy. She will be your friend.” She pushed him again.

“he is really shy. Doesn’t have many friends here, as he is just adjusting in new school. “ he told my mother.

“ shriya is the same. She doesn’t make friends easily. You know kids” my mother said smiling.

“hey why don’t you show him your room?” ma said to me.

I didn’t say a word.

“anish go.” His mother said and he finally came to the door.

“its upstairs” I told him, and he nodded.

Then he followed me towards my room.

I came inside but he was still standing at the door.

“come in” I said to him.

I climbed up on bed.

“Which is your school?” I said.

“ redwood new english shool, same as yours” he said.

I wandered how he knew, which my school is.

His eyes were searching everywhere around my room, then finally he saw the wind chime hanging near the window.

“what is it?” he pointed towards it and asked me.

“I don’t know. Me and dad made it. It makes sound when there’s wind.” I said.

He went near window and blow slowly towards the small hearts hanging downwards. The glasses tingled together and made soft sound.

“who is your friend at school?” I said.

“yash. Yours?”he said

“I have only one friend, neha. We are best friends. See?” I showed him my wrist wearing a band she had given me.

He just smiled.

“is this your room?” he said.

“yes. Where is yours in your house?” I said

“just like yours. You can see my room’s window from here” He pointed outside of the window.

I tiptoed from window to look across; I saw only an empty room through the glasses. Maybe they haven’t arranged furniture yet. There were no curtains hanging there, just a bed unusually large for a small kid like him. and few boxes still unpacked there.

We talked about some things I wasn’t remembering till his mother called him. And he went. I watched him going to his house. And he looked at my window while closing their gate, and then ran inside.

After then he became my friend, rather a best one. Only son of a brilliant lawyer and professor mother, brilliancy must be in his blood.

He didn’t have many friends back then and even though he was 1 year older than me, we would talk for hours about anything. He was really a

Brilliant one; he used to come first in all school exams, and always achieving medals, scholarships.

He was a vivid reader; he would read big and complicated books when he was in school. We mostly talked about the recent books he’d read, or the places he wanted to visit. We would talk on his plans of visiting places around the world.

As the time went by, and we grew, our friendship became more matured maybe it was because of him. We used to talk about life, our dreams. We would study together sometimes. He was the first one to whom I told about my father. And he accepted it without being judgmental and it was really great thing for me.

My mother was rather fond of him, she was at the board of director at our school, and she knew how he was. She never refused him to come to our house.

But as we started going to high school, there was a little stiff knot tied between us. I started being crazy around him. Because he had changed, he suddenly became this cute boy who happened to be my neighbor.

He wasn’t just a boy who was my neighbor , Anish been always nice, and he was cute, and he was intelligent , of course it was natural if I developed feelings for him. and he started becoming more cool after a certain age, he started wearing shirts those would look effortlessly elegant on him. I just wanted to keep looking at him hours and hours or just see him moving around in his room, doing something,

studying with the pencil in his lips,

or just listening songs with big headphone on his head, or make his bed,

and or and or so many things.

I felt stupid to check his room by keeping my room’s light off so he wouldn’t notice me. But I didn’t stop it.

And I too caught him staring at my window a few times, but it was never like I did I guess. I couldn’t help about my crush on him. A first real crush, because he was so easy to go on with, it was easy to fall in love with him. to fell in love with his amazing smile, his excited look when he was telling about something he read, or just something to talk about.

There was an unusual awkwardness between us and we both didn’t know how to pass it. Maybe it was because of me, I had started to like him. And I didn’t know whether he liked me or not. I used to just stay calm when he would come to tell me something. Or lost in my thoughts that whether I should tell him this or not. I felt this as so fragile, as if this doesn’t happen in anyone’s life. The people you love don’t become you next door neighbors just like that. Or the reverse, I felt as if whether I was doing something forbidden, having a crush on a boy whom I knew since childhood. But he could be my childhood sweetheart, I tried to believe.

I felt he will misunderstand me, and then I will lose everything we had now.

One day we were studying at my house.we were in 9th and 10th maybe.

“hey are you listening?” he said.

We were sitting in our balcony. He was telling me something. I suddenly looked at him “yeah. Amm I was just…”

“whats wrong with you these days?” he finally said.

I looked at him, it was sunset time and there were golden colored rays everywhere, I could see his eyes gleaming with sunlight. “nothing…” I lied.

“hey can we do this tomorrow? I am just bored” I said closing the book on my lap.

He stayed calm for a second or two and then closed his book too. “ok”

“I want to show you something.”He suddenly stood up.

I raised my eyebrow and looked at him.

“have you ever went there inside?” he said pointing at the woods behind our houses.

Since we used to stay almost out of the city, this was a reserved place for the woods. Our houses were the last one in the alley and it was just behind our back doors. But we couldn’t ever go there as there were huge wired compound around it. Well he does know that too. then why he was asking something like this?

“We cannot go in there” I said.

“yes we can.” He said crossing his hands on his chest.

“how? There’s compound” I pointed there.

“yes I know that. We can pass it. Come on.”he said and hold out his hand for me.

I refused and got up, and followed him to the back door.

“wait. I should tell ma” I said suddenly stopping in the way.

“what are you going to tell? She will not allow you to go there.” He said.

“I’d have to tell something…” I went inside and told her that I was going for a walk with him.

I came back and followed him to those compounds.

He sat down near those wires and pulled out a screw and then another and then another, and opened a square of wires big enough to pass a person.

“how did you?” I looked at him surprisingly.

He was smiling and then said “I was just trying to find a way somehow to go in there. I could have dig it from down those wires like they do in movies but then I saw these wires, they can be easily undone.” And he went inside.

I could hear the sounds of crickets and birds chirping behind him. “come on… hurry up. I gotta show you something.”

I went inside and he did that screw thing again.

“we have to go back.” I said.

“I know. Its just precaution, we shouldn’t let anyone know that we were here.” Said the smarty pants, I smiled at my thought turning my head from him.

“ok” I said.

“come on” he went ahead of me. We kept on walking till we reach a little open meadow. It was beautifully covered in grass, it was a little muddy due to rain but amazingly smelling of soil and water.

“God I should have wore shoes, this is just mess” I snapped as my slippers went into wet soil.

“Come on. You can clean them.” He kept on walking further, walking effortlessly in the same mess.

“where are we going?” I asked him. Seeing tall trees and madly grown branches around us. There were no one aside us for long distance, I couldn’t imagine being alone with him in this deserted meadow.

“just a few minutes” he said.

We walked for about more 5 minutes and reached on a little steep surface.

And I saw a huge round rock in the middle of that meadow. It wasn’t like other usual rocks it was like a pebble but much bigger enough that 3 or 4 people could easily sleep on it.

“What is it?” I asked him. We were almost at that rock.

“ U see?  That’s awesome isn’t it? And the best part is now” he said.

He climbed up on it easily regardless of its slippery surface. I stayed at the ground looking at him. he towered at me, and I could see only his silhouette in the beaming sunlight.

“come on, climb up” he said, and hold his hand out for me.

There was no way I could have climbed up there in my skirt. So this time I took his hand and placed my foot on the rock and climbed up.

We were standing there and surrounded by meadow and trees. We could see the city down but apart from that it was the sunset which was more beautiful from here. There were golden and yellow light everywhere around us making out long shadows on the rock. I couldn’t say anything; I just kept looking at the sun, till my eyes became watery from the light. It felt so good. Like watching a sunset alone, there was no one existing there. I stayed silent, neither had he said anything.

“its beautiful” I said.

He smiled softly and said “I actually saw sunrise today, and thought might be you will like this.”

“I loved it” I said and sat there keeping my messy sleepers aside, the rock seemed warm to my feet.

“I can stay here all of my life watching this sunset” he said and sat there besides me, dangling his legs downwards. I moved aside really slowly so he won’t notice it. It was kind of scary and made me dizzy to sit with him there.

Yeah… even I can but only if you are here. I said in my mind.

What’s wrong with you… my mind snapped me.

I couldn’t think anything to talk about. After the sun was completely vanished he looked at me and said “I think we should go back now.”

“Yeah we should. “ I grabbed my slippers and jumped on the ground.

I wrote this all day in my diary that night. It was one of the best day I ever had with him. yeah one of the…

I looked at my watch it was past 2. I had to attend practical’s. I headed down to the auditorium.

Anish:

she got up and stretched up. Maybe she her neck was hurting. Since she had been asleep on chair all night. She stood up and went downstairs. I stood by the window, and looked at my room, it was still untouched. Just like I left it. Maybe mother didn’t even come here ever since…

I even went to the hospital I was in, yeah it seems so stupid to say as I went to hospital I was in. but still… I was there with tubes buried in my nose, saline needles in my veins, and so many other medical equipments around me. I saw my mom weeping for me, father just stealing a worried glance and then going out again. I was just there, breathing slowly but unaware of anything.

I returned back to her house instead of sitting there.

the best part of being like this is maybe I was able to go anywhere anytime. I flee and went to my room, I just silently sat on my chair looking at her window, waiting for her to appear there again.

After some minutes she came back from shower and came to windows to close the curtains, just like she always do. She stayed there for 1 or 2 seconds looking at my window, and then closed them. Well being invisible had given me some other advantages too.. but I wouldn’t do that… at least not with her. I wondered what she was thinking.

Then she opened up curtains all dressed up for college. and she stood in front of mirror. And I was there behind her, I sat on her bed looking at her.

She took few deep breaths and said “ you are going to do amazing presentation today. “

I smiled, it was like stealing her private moment somehow. But I said “ best luck” out loud, there was no way she could  hear me.

 And snap…

She whirled around and looked right at me, as if she might have heard something, she has a surprising and horrifying expression on her face. I froze for a second. How did she hear that?

I got up and went near to her, maybe she can hear me.

“shriya… hey its me… can you hear me?” I said as much as loudly I could say.

But she just kept on looking at the bed, and again she was deaf to me. She turned her head again to the mirror, and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. I was standing beside her, leaned on the cupboard but she couldn’t notice me at all.

But she looked the same to me, with all her features, lean and tall, pouty lips and stunning brown eyes, long hairs tied up in a tail. The kind of brown colored eyes as the color of wood with extra shiner on it.  The kind of long hairs which are messed up but still look gorgeous on her especially when she wash them. The Girl who was a best buddy of me.  The girl I was ever in love with, which I ruined, and now I didn’t had a single chance to tell her that I still loved her.

I had thought about what if someone else will take her away from me, but I never have thought of death before. I never thought of the possibility that what if I might not be able to tell her how I feel about her.

Well I wasn’t dead yet, but I could die…  

And here I was stuck in an invisible senseless cloak where even though I existed nobody was able to see or sense me.

The only one thing I could do that to meet her anytime I want. See her sleeping, studying, crying or just lost in her thoughts which was making me more and more unstable and painful not be able to reach out to her.

She picked up her laptop bag from study table and headed out. There was nothing I could do till she reaches college so I went back to my room. My mom and dad returned from hospital. There were some visitors coming to visit at our home. They would just try to console my mother who was endlessly crying, my aunts were in kitchen making arrangements for guests, my father was even in shock but he wouldn’t cry. He would just stay calm in any worse situations, but now he was mute. No word would come out of his mouth except something to console my mother.  He visited hospital more often than mom, they just looked at me, through windows. Me surrounded with so many gadgets keeping my breath going on, keeping me alive.

Being in coma didn’t seem really bad for me, apart from the fact that I was no longer able to sense anything but it was less hurtful to see the people crying for my disappearance where I was just sitting next to them. No . it wasn’t hurtful maybe, it sucked.

I stayed there watching my mother making silent sobs in between our story of accident. I just wanted to say something out loud but nobody was able to hear me. I went back to my room and stayed there for a while. And then I went to my college.

The news had also spread in my college, of course some of my close friends had came to meet me in hospital, but the real person I was waiting to meet hadn’t come yet.

I had thought she would cry for me being like this, but she didn’t she just used to stay calm for minutes but she never cried. I headed to the auditorium where her presentation was.

There were few of her classmates and other staff members too. she was giving her presentation for her final year project summaries.  She was wearing a pink shirt with blue jeans, and shoes, and also specs for some reason. She was the first one to give that presentation. She went to the podium and started introduction.  

I stayed at the last row chair which was empty, and I remembered a memory of her I had in my mind.

We were friends from so long time, usually I would talk to her about anything, and even though she had no interest she would listen to it patiently. We never had quarrels cause we never would get misleads on any point. After a particular age we would started getting uncomfortable with each others. She used to distant herself from me. She even liked me maybe but never said so. We just used to hang out at each other’s house mostly I would go to her home. Because I liked being with her, just to tell her something, and find her looking at me with interest nobody ever showed me like she did.

Once it was a Sunday and I was studying at my home for my entrance. I was so bored after some time and it was almost 4 pm. I looked from my window to her room. She was lying on bed and watching tv. I suddenly thought of going to her.

I went downstairs; mom and dad were going somewhere. I told them I was going to shriya, mother even snapped that didn’t I had studies to do. Yeah, she kind of thought or maybe knew I had something for shriya. Well she didn’t said in front of me, but she would point it out on some occasions.

I told her I was bored, she rolled her eyes and left.

I went to her home, and pressed door bell. No one answered for a minute but then she said “coming..”

And she opened door and was surprised to see me at the door.

“hi…” I said.

“amm …hi.” She said. Her hairs were messed up, and she was in a extra large shirt which hung loose from her arms and pink pajama bottoms. Her skin at her collarbone looked so pale and the nerves there were almost visible. I startled when I found that I was staring at her dumbly.

“ ahmm..” I cleared my throat stupidly. And asked ”busy?” even though I knew she wasn’t.

“amm no… come in”  she said giving me place to come inside.

I went inside.

“where’s aunty?” I asked since she wasn’t in hall.

“she had a meeting at school.” She said, and told me to sit by pointing at chair.

I just sat there and she sat on the sofa.

We both stayed silent for a minute. I was staring around her house, sometimes looking at her. Unable to find subject to start conversation.

“ so you came here after so many days.” She asked. Thank god…

“yeah, just last few months were really busy” I replied, turning gaze towards her.

“yeah. So what’s up now?” she asked crossing her fingers in front of her, and then taking back a strand of hairs behind her ear.

“nothing just preparing for entrance. How was your exam?”

“fine. As usual” she said.

We again fell silent searching for subjects to talk about.

She suddenly got up and said “I’ll be back in a minute”

I nodded. She went inside to the kitchen.

What I was going to talk to her. We hadn’t met in almost year. And she was looking so darn pretty I wondered how she became so beautiful and I didn’t even notice it.

She suddenly came back from kitchen and asked me from the door, “would you like some ice cream?”

“yeah sure” I said and smiled.

She went back and brought two bowls and gave one to me. She sat where she was before.

“ so what’s your plan after grad school?” I asked taking spoonful of cream.

“ ma wants me to do post graduation so thinking about it .” she said without looking at me.

“well that’s good.” I said, maybe she was sleeping before, her eyes looked puffy and she was slowly eating her ice-cream without even looking anywhere else but her bowl.

She asked me something but I couldn’t hear it.

“what?” I said.

“are you not going to take any job you got selected?” she repeated.

“nah.. masters always been the plan” I replied. Thank god she wasn’t looking at me. This was really getting awkward.

“you know..” she said and stopped for a second.

“ this is really getting awkward isn’t it. I mean we didn’t even talked properly in last almost a year. “ she sounded so careful with words.

“amm yeah exactly. We don’t even have anything to talk about now.” I said, agreeing with her.

“yeah things were a little ….” She couldn’t find a word maybe.

Or maybe that word was complicated.

“busy?” I said. This wasn’t true at all. I never was this much busy to not to be with her.

“yeah “ she said.

We talked awkwardly for almost 2 minutes hardly and then I left.

When I was leaving she said “ it was nice seeing you after so long time.”

“same here. “ I said.

“best luck for your entrance” she said.

“thanks… see you around.” And then I went to the gate.

 Well this was one of many memories I had with her. But that’s not how our story goes.

I looked at her. She was in a flow explaining her project, she always was a good teacher. Even staff members were getting convinced at her performance.

The only thing she wasn’t that was confident, at least once in month she would have nervous breakdowns. She used to stay calm, without uttering a word to anyone even with her mother. Her mother would understand her and leave her alone for some time and she would get over with it automatically.

She was bright, and hard working, always busy in doing something. Peculiar, smart, a little introvert though. She had some of her own principles and I was the one who knew her that close that she would tell me everything and nothing.

I wasn’t similar to her too. It was easy for me to get along with people, I would amaze them, entertain them and even I was always one of the top most students in my academic year,  but we had our space, there were no friends we had who could understand us. We would say things which we wouldn’t say to anyone. And that’s how I fell in love with her. And it didn’t happen until I was ready to finally commit to her. well it was getting overwhelming for me to just watch her everyday and even knowing that what I feel about her and never telling her.

I remembered the day when I told her I loved her.

I don’t remember what exactly the day when I finally proposed her was. But it was surely a college night. We were in same college, and I was a senior to her. We were volunteering for a program at college, even though she wasn’t much of other front row girls, she always had some awesome ideas every time. And that’s why she used to lead silently the groups.

It was one of the most memorable programs we have ever arranged, she was in her first year and I was in mine second.

It ended late night around 9 pm, and even though her mother was going to pick her up, I insisted that I would drop her. And as always her mother never refused me.

But she wasn’t really up for the idea of me dropping her, I convinced her somehow. Our college was almost 1 hour from our house. I thought it would be a great opportunity to tell her.

Finally after program finished we went out in parking, she was walking with a distance from me.

“it was nice program , isn’t it?” I said.

“yeah.” she said. She was fiddling with her pocketbook. Maybe she was nervous.

“ would you mind if we stopped a place near to have a coffee?” I asked, I needed a place to talk to her, and if I suddenly stopped in the middle of the road, there was a slight possibility that she might say no, so I asked her earlier.

She looked at me, she was wearing our volunteering uniforms, white t-shirt with a black volunteer sign and skinny jeans, her hairs were tied in a high ponytail the way she used to.

“Coffee?” she said.

Now I had to give a good reason to stop for a coffee in the middle of the night.

Instead of saying something stupid, I told her the truth.

“Yeah, amm actually I wanted to talk to you about something.” I said looking at her for her reaction.

She bit her lower lip and looked a little confused or something but then she said “about what?”

“Well that I will tell that at the coffee shop? How about that?” I told her.

She exhaled and said “ ok. Just don’t make too late. I have already told ma that we are leaving”

“ alright. Don’t worry about that” I said and smiled, and put the key to ignition.

I started bike and she sat on bike without touching me, maybe she scooted up by holding handle.

I didn’t mind, I knew she was feeling confused already.

While we were going out from college entrance some of my friends gave us cheers kind of calls but I ignored them and just smiled at them. Well I was in a tension too, that how I was going to ask her. And what she will say.

She stayed calm for 14 minutes till we reach the coffee shop.

“here it is.” I said.

Now she had to take support of me to get off from bike, and she did even. I smiled to myself.

I parked bike in the parking lot and went to stairs, and she followed me.

I opened the door and we went inside. There was no one in the shop, except a sleepy looking boy at the counter. I told her to sit and went to give order.

When I came back she had removed her scarf and her night goggles. And she was looking at me. I smiled at her and said

“our coffee will be here in a minute”

She smiled nervously and started biting her lip again. She always does that whenever she is nervous, but she looks more beautiful whenever she does that. She was looking at the glass window near to us, there was a view of our city and then the meadow which we had behind our houses. We have our properties at the end of the city line where meadow and jungle would start. Everything was so dark plated, except the twinkling street lights and some house lights. She kept on looking outside, and I kept looking at her.

“so you enjoyed today?” I asked her.

“ yeah, really that was great.” She said softly smiling a little.

“Hope I will have time to participate next year.” I said.

“ why.. I mean .. guess so. Its just the start of semester, you wouldn’t be much busy by then” she said.

“ yeah maybe…”

Finally our coffee arrived, the boy told us to enjoy our coffee, we said thanks.

While we were pouring sugar packets in steaming coffee, I thought now I have to ask.

“ so shriya…” I said.

“ yeah.” She said keeping the packet to let the sugar fall in cup and looking at me.

“ what I wanted to talk  that.” Oh I had repeated this in mirror almost 1000’nd times by now, I didn’t know how it would be this difficult.

“amm maybe we can… we can be more that just friends too.” finally I said.

She dropped her gaze and smiled shyly.

“ah… what you mean…like relationship sort of…” she said swirling spoon in the large cup.

“ yeah exactly that’s what I meant” I was feeling a little confident by then.

Now I wanted to tell her reasons,” I mean we knew each other from childhood, and you are best friend. And I am starting to like since you… I don’t really know. Maybe after you joined my college.” I couldn’t think anything else further.

She kept her gaze low but I could see her she was smiling fiercely.

“ well Say something.”I said after her long pause.

She picked her cup , she was still biting her lower lip, I wondered how it would be like to bite it. I snapped at my own thought.

And she lifted that up and said cheerfully “ to relationship…”

I was kind of surprised by her response, I mean I had expected her to say yes in her soft voice but here she was saying yes cheerfully.

I smiled and we clink our cups together.

And that was the start of our relationship. Later we talked till 11 pm, she called her mother and said she will be home by 11.30. that was the first day she ever talked to me so much by taking lead. She told me that she actually started to like me some years ago. I asked her why she never told me. Obviously that was just stupid question because she would never be able to do that as far as I knew her.

 She said she was afraid that maybe that will ruin our friendship too. she said she decided to wait for me instead and finally today was the day which made all her waiting worthwhile.

We were so happy that day, I told her how much I tried to decide finally how to tell her that liked her.  She said I could have told this at home too. but then I said this is more romantic setup. And she laughed.

I still remember that night so clearly as if we were there, sitting in a coffee shop at around midnight, and talking about our first meet and then many such memories together where everyone else was fast asleep in the darkness. And it was the most amazing day of my life. As if that coffee shop was something magical , where we were so different when we went in and when we came out.  I wish I could have some souvenir from that place. I tipped extra to the sleepy boy and we left it.

When we were coming back she suddenly held her hands around me while we were on bike and kept her head on my back and said “ hey I am so happy today.”

“ so do I” I said.

I wandered why I took so long to ask her out, she was waiting for me all along, but finally I was with her and nothing else was going to matter now.

We reached near our houses around 11.25 and she told me to stop few blocks before our lane. We were the last one at the lane so till then the area was pretty deserted. I asked her why she want to stop here. She get off from bike and said “ cause my mother might be still up by now, and I don’t want to say good bye to my boyfriend just so formal.”

I was getting shocked more and more seeing sudden change in her.  I never knew this shriya.

“ oooh” I said smiling and trying to hold her by keeping my hand on her waist, but I couldn’t control bike and it suddenly tipped one side, she went back and started laughing.

“ crap… am so sorry, are you hurt ?..” I thought might be it fell on her foot.

She was still laughing, “ no.. am .. am alright” said between her breath.

I picked up bike and put it on the stand, and then turned towards her while I was leaning on the bike from one side.

She was standing next to me, this time I grabbed her almost perfectly with her waist , she kept her hands on my shoulders and smiled softly, I could see her face glooming in light mixed up with night lamp and moon light, and her eyes gleaming fixed on me.

“ so whats the informal good bye.”  I asked her trying to be sexy,  god I suck at such talks , cause maybe I never have talked such with any girl, because I never was in any relation.

But she smiled anyway, “ is this all true? I .. I still cant believe this all.”

I smiled at her, “yes it is…”

“ you know, I have never kissed a girl.” I suddenly snapped.

What the hell was wrong with me. I was getting nervous. I really never had kissed a girl.

She laughed and said  “ you mean you have kissed… “  I got what she was going to say.

“oh please.. I mean I have never kissed anyone” I was getting nervous by her this new attitude.

She laughed again, “ don’t worry, me neither.”

Then finally leaned in and kept my hand on her neck, I wish her hairs were free so I slowly removed her hair band and they were falling over her shoulder. She silently smiled and stayed still until I found her lips.

I had always dreamed of kissing a girl for the first time, but this was even 100 times more that I ever had imagined. She still had the taste of coffee on her lips, maybe due to her lip biting habit and she smelled so good of lavender, shampoo and coffee.

When we fall apart, her eyes were still closed. Then she opened them silently and said “ well that was not bad for the first time.” And we laughed.

“ I gotta go now” she slid out of my arms.

“ see you in a minute” I said while starting bike.

“what? “ she said confusingly.

“ madam you are practically my girl next door.” I grinned at her.

 She smiled and turned around murmuring good night.

She turned towards her home and I went towards mine.

I opened the gate and went inside with my bike and turned around to see her, she had crossed her main gate and was standing in front of the door of her home. She waved me bye and went inside.

When I reached to my room , first thing I did was to look at her window, she wasn’t there. Maybe she had went to change so I went too.

When I came back I saw her near to her desk which was in front of her window, only the table lamp in the room was on, her hairs were falling over her cheeks and she was drinking water in  a glass and her mobile was in her another hand.   I hadn’t turned on the lights of my room yet, and I got text, I found mobile by its buzzing and saw her text

It said “ good nightJ”

I turned on the lights in my room, and looked at her. She was still in the window.

And I replied her “ It was really a good night…J”

She smiled and turned off her table lamp and went to sleep maybe.

But I couldn’t sleep the whole night, there was stream of moments repeating in my head. Her smile, her smell everything was so new and fascinating for me. I stayed awake a long time thinking about her and wondered that whether she was also thinking about me. I guess that’s why they say the girl next door is totally amazing sort of thing, because I can literally see her all the time. I thought how many boys get to see their girlfriend all the time? They only meet them all dressed up, in their best behavior. But I could see her all messed up when she woke up, just showered, thinking of something; studying late nights… in short I was as darn lucky as the matter of fact.

I never wandered just changing a word in relationship would make this much changes between us, she wasn’t the same quite, smart and best friend of me anymore. She was someone else now, someone different from the day I met her and till the second I hold her in my arms. I had every reason to think about her all the time, to miss her all the time, to call her anytime,  to tell her what I felt about her … and this was overwhelming, just like something much more than I ever thought about.

I slept around 4 am in the morning maybe, I was feeling like I couldn’t wash off that adrenaline rush to sleep. I woke up in the middle of night to see what she was doing but I already knew she must have been sleeping, and I couldn’t see anything except the wind chimes hung in her bedroom glittering in the street light, and the dark inside.

My bed was facing to the window where hers was facing towards the door, meaning the   first thing I would watch in the morning was her window.

Shriya:

Finally I finished my seminar, feeling pretty confident about the remarks.

Some of the teachers asked me questions which I answered and then thank them all and dismissed the seminar.

I stayed at the last row for some seminars of my friends, but then I couldn’t stay anymore so I sneaked out on a perfect timing where the last person was finishing seminar and no one was looking.

I went outside , there was a little rainy atmosphere around, some of the students were in cafeteria and some were just sitting on the desks near the bushes. Of course for some this was definitely a romantic setup, rain and special friends.

 I felt a little depressed about it so I went to library. I just went in and stayed at my spot. I just couldn’t find a single reason not to think about him.

 Yeah … he was my boyfriend for an year, as much as I wanted to forget about it I just couldn’t. This wasn’t any easy thing to forget. Especially now when he was…

I got see him…

I felt like something suddenly ached inside me. I just didn’t know that pain till now. I hadn’t cried since the day he… I couldn’t even gather courage to meet him. I just needed to go see him. Immediately.

I just grabbed my stuff , and ran outside. It had already started to rain. I could see the water droplets as the size of a small ball hitting on the surface of stairs of library, but I didn’t want to stop there, at any cost.

I just crossed stairs, and then I went through the aisle of bushes and saw everyone was looking at me with that look as ‘what’s wrong with her’

But I didn’t care, at the very moment. I just tried to pass it as early as possible, they were  trying to get to the shelter cause now rain has started to fall very heavily.

I went to the parking lot, which was deserted as everyone was in college, I just put the key to my bike and pulled it out from the rows of bikes. It was stupid to drive in such rain, but I just wanted to go anyway.

Where will I go? I didn’t know in which hospital he was, but then I remembered our town had only one such big hospital where he could be. It was a stupid guess though. But I felt it was right. I drove on the road in the pouring rain, rain droplets hitting on my face like little icicles. Cold and hard.

There was a voice in the back of my mind, are you crazy? What are you doing?

But I ignored it, but I hear it again, Shriya stop this nonsense for god’s sake.

I was on the main road; no one was on road except some cars driving so fast to go somewhere.

I reached to the hospital in few minutes, as it was near from my college premises. There was no one outside, everyone was waiting in the shades to keep out from rain. Some people stared at me like I was any mad women, driving in such fierce rain. Water dripping from my hairs, and my bag entirely wet with water, cloths clinging to my skin. But I didn’t cared of any of that right now. I just wanted to see him. I ran inside on the stairs, careful not to slip because of the puddle of water there.

I went inside, and saw receptionist at her front desk, she looked at me, as I asked her

“Can … you tell me where is anish sharma’s room?” till now, I was shivering with cold, and my wet hands were on her desk, wetting the wood and she looked at me annoyingly.

I took away my hands and placed them around myself. She asked me my name for the record and asked who I was of him.

“amm … I am his friend. Can you please…” I showed her my wet hands, and pleased her to fill in my details in her book.

She frown a little but filled my details anyway, and told me to take a right towards the intensive care unit of the hospital. I started walking on the sleek floor careful not to slip again, and kept walking till I found the room. As I looked inside the room and found someone sleeping there. Sleeping in enormous maze of medical equipments, his face was slightly titled towards the door. I took a deep breath and opened the door by twisting the door knob in my hands, it felt warmer.

I felt for a moment that, that… he might open his eyes, and smile at me… just in a moment. I stood there, puzzled, waiting for him to awake. And then I remembered, he wasn’t just sleeping there… and neither that he was going to wake up just like that.

I placed my bag on the chair nearby and went towards his bed. He was still sleeping, and I just sat there looking at him. I felt a sudden shiver and urge to cry out, which I hadn’t … since I heard the news.

14 missed calls.

 It still burned like something never ending pain inside me. 

“You cant punish me… “ I thought, “no… not like this…”

“please, please … you have to wake up… “ and I placed my hand on his, lacing  my fingers through his… my fingers cold as ice, against his warmer. I was careful not to make much movement as the needles were plunged in his arm.

His long eyelashes still reaching to his cheeks, a small scar across his right cheek, and head completely bandaged.

Does that hurt?

I thought to myself, and helplessly watched around myself. It all seem so depressing and hurtful at once. Was it a punishment for whatever I behaved with him? or just a sick tragedy to make me realize that I was wrong.

 If I had picked up his call, we may have talked.

If I had picked up earlier , 1 month ago, or 1 week ago.. or even when he first called…

If… If… If…

And the if started pouring in like the rain outside. But there are no if’s in life… whatever it is… just the way it is. 

He blurred from my vision in my tears, everything melting away like a paint smudging with water. And I finally started sobbing, crying for him. For whatever he was in… for not picking up his call. For never even listening to what he had to say. And I couldn’t stand it anymore.

I got up from the chair and looked at him, and squeezed his hand,

“Get well soon.  Please… for me… please…” that’s what I could think .

And I went outside, drying my eyes.

Till I passed the city the road was almost empty. And tears rolled down on my cheeks, hot against the cold rain drops. They were hitting me as cold arrows through air. I was entirely wet with rain, my hairs were mess, I wasn’t sure but maybe my mobile was also in water full of purse. But I didn’t stop until I reached home. I just opened the gate and went inside. I  grabbed my purse and went to my room, slamming the door behind me. And now I could cry. I just throw everything one floor and landed on bed with my wet cloths and everything crying my eyes out.

I just didn’t know why I didn’t cried first when I heard it, and why I wanted to cry now. It wasn’t like we were even together but I still missed him. I missed even more because he was nowhere near to see anymore. I missed him even more because I wasn’t even remembering what was the last time I spoke to him, neither I could remember what I had said to him. This was all like a bad dream and all I wanted to was to wake from it, shattering it in all ways so I could see him … alive and talking in front of me.

“Shriya… Shriya?” I woke up by mother waking me up.

“shriya? What happened? why are you sleeping with your wet cloths on?” she was waking me by shaking my arm.

“ ma… what…” I sat up by keeping my eyes half shut. Light was hurting my eyes and they were itching too, maybe due to crying. I was feeling terribly cold.

“whats the matter with you? Your cloths are all wet. Why are you sleeping in these? And at this time?” she sounded worried.

“ I .. I don’t know.” I didn’t have anything to tell her.

“  get up , get up and go change first.” She said while picking up my bag.

She took some clean clothes from my closet and shoved them in my hand. I went to bathroom as soon as I could because I didn’t want to let her ask any more questions. I was feeling shiver in me, I had slept more than 3 hours in wet cloths. I saw myself in mirror , my eyes were a little swollen due to crying and I was shivering in those wet cloths. I just put the shower on the hot water and let it fall onto me, hot water made me a little calmer than before, which was a little helping with my shivering.

 When I came out ma was downstairs maybe, she had kept my stuff on table and had taken my bag maybe. She also had changed the bed sheet which was wet by my cloths.

I just went to kitchen and made a coffee for me. Mother was sitting in the hall, watching tv or maybe at least pretending. I didn’t wanted to face her so I tried to go to my room without looking at her, but

“shriya…” she said.

When I looked at her she wasn’t even looking at me,

“ you can take coffee here with me.”

I came in hall and sat on sofa near to her.

“are you alright? Were you crying before?” she asked sounding worried.

“yeah.” I replied, while taking a sip from my cup.

“why you were sleeping in wet clothes?” she asked me again.

I could feel my damp hairs sticking on my back through shirt, and coffee mug hot in my cold hands,  and smell of mud and soil and rain coming through open window, and a urge to cry out again.

“ nothing, I was just exhausted when I came home, and there was rain so I got caught in between, so I just slept with them.” I replied trying to be truthful as I could.

She stayed calm and said “alright, are you cold? Because when I came you were kind of shivering.”

“yeah am fine, I just took a shower.” I said taking one more sip from my cup. It tasted a little bit like soil too, kind of earthy.

“ ok.”

“I went to meet him today. He is still unconscious  and they don’t know when he may recover ..” she said, even though I hadn’t asked. I didn’t tell her that I went to see him too.

I kept looking at the flower petal design on the mug.

“if you want you can go and see him once” she said.

“ “

I felt and urge to ask ma something. Words were almost there, but I had hesitation. Yet somehow, I managed to ask her,”Ma…”

“hmm.” She looked at me.

I took a deep breath, “Do you ever get angry with dad for leaving us?” I asked her, without looking at her. It seemed even more weighted when I asked her.

“hmm” she smiled to herself, and said looking across the window “anger is really  vogue feeling to explain that feeling I guess. “ I waited for her answer. She looked sad, almost lost in thoughts.

“its just… you cant get angry completely on the person you love…once loved. No matter what they do… its .. for a moment you feel hateful towards the person and just the  next you feel utter helpless.” She smiled hysterically.

“you know I had so many such moments, when he would come meet you, and all I could think of was to be in his arms again and cry and ask why he left us, but it was never really worth it, and I knew that…”

She took my hands in hers, and smiled, “so … I don’t..  I don’t think I feel anger for him. He did what he want to. We had worse moments but also some of my best memories are with him. and we should never regret the happy times we spent with someone, even if that person and the situation, both have changed.  But the good thing is, I have you with me…” and I smiled at her with tearful eyes.

I stayed there until I finished my coffee. She said she will make my favorite dinner and then I went upstairs.

I closed the door, doorknob was chilled because of damp atmosphere.  I looked across the window; there was unfamiliar dark in his room.

 I remembered the morning I had woke up after that night with him.

It was the most memorable nights of my life. I  couldn’t believe Anish   had asked me out. I was feeling as if all I ever wanted had came true within a night. I was always shy, and introvert in front of him and now he was all mine. I couldn’t forget the day, the evening and the night I spent with him the day he asked me. I felt so light as if I could flee away with happiness. Now there was nothing to keep me back , to hold on in front of him.

When I woke up that morning I wished I could be with him there in his room where he was still sleeping. The thought made me blush, but I couldn’t help it. It was the best thing that the boy I ever loved lived in front of my house. I could practically see him anytime I would want.

It was so silly to behave and think like a teen age girl , but I couldn’t help it, he was the first one ever, the first one I ever liked, the one who ever took me in his arms, and even kissed  me. I thought this would never ever change. It was the best and still beautiful feeling I ever had in my life.

When I woke up I saw him sleeping with his quilt on, so I went to bath, and when I came back he wasn’t there. But I had a message from him, “ good morning, girlfriend.”

I felt so stupid to read that message, but I think we both were a ,little stupid back then. I wanted to reply something really really good instead I replied “very good morning, where are you I cant see you.”

And then after some minute he was in his room, drying his wet hairs with his towel and looking out of window. He looked so cute, I wish I could just smell him.

STOP IT. I snapped on myself. I waved him my cell to tell him to look at his. But now my message was stupid cause he was already there. But still he read it smiled and replied, “ just here :)…”

I heard ma calling me for breakfast, so I replied him as “ see you later, at college.”

He said (replied)“ ok, sure”

I just hurried to kitchen and ate my breakfast as soon as possible, because I had to leave earlier. Ma asked me if something was wrong with me as I couldn’t keep myself from smiling but I said nothing. I was also thinking about whether I should tell her about this, I mean she wouldn’t freak out , because it was him…the boy she practically adores but still telling her that after these many years I am having a relationship sounded really creepy. I didn’t even try to figure what would be her reaction on this.

Then I just changed into my brand new dress which ma brought me from somewhere she went. I didn’t even knew why I was dressing today, oh I remembered there was something today.

When I was going to college I just saw him wave me a welcoming smile and then he just went ahead so fast. I couldn’t even catch him with my moped so I decided to go slow. My heart actually skipped a bit where last night we…

God it was so embarrassing and cute and wanted at the same time.

When I went to college, I could see him standing in the middle of his classmates, I thought what if he told anyone about us, about last night? But somewhere I felt, NO he won’t ever do that.

I flipped my cell open and saw a message from him,

“you look gorgeous in that color.”

Really? Now he had to tell me that. I couldn’t help but

blush, and he was just next to me, which was more

embarrassing.

He just kept looking at me until I went in, hope nobody would notice that, but his friends were busy in talking about something. I just put a strand of hair behind my ear nervously.

Most of the seniors would never attend any lectures, but I had to. I went in my classroom. And tried to act and talk normally with my friends but it was more hard than I’d thought.

And then after recess I had another message, as I was reading it while I was standing out of my classroom, I had call.

“ hi…” he said.

“ hello.”

“ amm can you come to library now?” he asked.

“ now?” I said. It was recess and we usually go to cafeteria I mean me and my friends.

“ yeah. You have any class now?” he said.

“ no. its recess.”

“yes I can see that.” He said.

“ see what?” I said , I couldn’t see him anywhere near to me.

“that your classes are over, and you are standing in front of your class.”

“ where are you?”I asked.

“where did I told you to come?” he said.

“ library…” ohhh library. I looked up in the right side, I could see him standing in the window of library at the top floor. I couldn’t see him clearly but I recognized him by his dark blue shirt, he waved at me.

“ I’ll be there.” I said, I was just going to cut the call.

“hey..” I heard him say.

“yeah..”

“ you look stunning by the way.” I felt like it was best compliment I ever had.

“you told me that already.” I said I said in small voice, I felt something happily twisting inside me.

“ not practically. Am waiting” He said and hung up the call.

I went to library and it was like always, deserted and only light was from the windows, the librarian was sitting in the corner who gave me a look I didn’t know which one.

I went ahead and went through the aisle of books until I saw him there, sitting on a chair, his bag was on the floor and looking at me. Well today I felt that we have the best arrangements of aisle of books, since they were long and after every cupboard there was a study table for two besides the opening window which was now spilling cool rainy sunlight on him. I smiled at him for nothing and went ahead, my heels were making sound like someone hitting with stone hammer on wood, so I tried to walk slower.

He smiled and said “you came too slow.”

“ no. I had to come slow, library is someplace in our college where people don’t hang out usually. And walking 4 staircases with this is not joke.” I showed him my heel.

“maybe. so…”he said.

“so?” I said.

“I just wanted you to come here to ask you something.”

“ yeah.”

“ what   are you doing on this weekend?”he said.

This weekend, today is the Friday so tomorrow will be the weekend. What am I doing tomorrow? Nothing…

“nothing..” I said.

“ we can go somewhere tomorrow? Is that ok?” he said being a little cautious.

“ yeah sure, but where? I mean I had to tell ma. So…” I said, thinking already what reasons I could tell ma so I can go out with him.

“ ah don’t worry about it. We are not going somewhere far. Just it’s a surprise. I will tell you tomorrow, at 5 pm.  You wouldn’t even have to tell her.” He said.

“wouldn’t have to tell her? Means? What are we going out at your house or what?” I said.

“I wish…” he said, giving me a wink.

“ oh please” I felt my heartbeat missed just like the day before. Oh I didn’t mean it that way.

“ I mean…”  I tried to explain by leaning forward. We were almost whispering even though no one was in library, we had to keep our voices down so librarian wouldn’t hear us.

“Hey don’t worry. I already said its surprise , I just wanted to be confirmed that whether are you free or not.”

“ yes. I am” I said and leaned back in chair, god his perfume, mixed with smell of my new clothes was making me really uncomfortable.

“ good.” He leaned back too.

His mobile buzzed in his pocket and he checked it, then he said he has to go.

“ok.” I said and picked up my bag.

“hey” he said, as I turned around.

“you look really stunning today by the way.” He said smirking.

I just kept looking at him for half a minute,

“you already told me. This is third time.  Thanks anyway” I said smiling.

“ see you around…” he said and picked up his bag without moving his gaze from me, that made me a little blushed.

We both went out of the library and split away, I watched him going in front of me; in his easy walk as always.

Anish:

And she just kept sobbing for a while until she slept. I felt so stupid and I felt this was all so unfair. Why do I have to be like this to feel my mistake? All I just wanted to was to held her and tell her that I was wrong and I am so sorry. And that was impossible thing, the worse thing ever happened to me in my entire life, rather after life almost.

I just stayed near the wall watching her sleep, exhausted , red cheeks and messed up hairs in wet cloths until her mother came in and tried to woke her up. I stayed there till she returned; she shivered a little and then looked across her window looking at the darkness in my room. She sat on the chair, taking small sips from her almost cold coffee, tears ran down her cheek silently.

It was a beautiful day, just like I wanted. I told her to be ready at 5. I wasn’t  taking her somewhere far , it was just the first place I ever fall in love with her big eyes and long eyelashes trying to hold her secrets, her redden lips because of constant biting habit and her silent smile. I was so glad that I brought her there; it was the only place where we were together ever in the first place.

She was wearing a blue colored kurti and jeans sort of going for a walk cloths. I could see her through my window, I waved her and told her to come at the backdoor of her house through message.

She went downstairs and I stood near to the fence where she could see me. She came slowly walking looking back as if someone was following her.

She looked puzzled as she came near to me, “what? I thought we were going out.”

“ who said we are not?” I said tucking my hands in pockets.

She looked suspiciously at my cloths, “I am not going anywhere with you in those cloths.”

I was wearing house cloths, pajamas and t-shirt.

I grinned, “ do we have to wear designer clothes on dates?”

“ not designer but… at least descent.” She snapped.

“ don’t worry, we are not going to any fancy hotel, come on…” I waved my hand to her to follow me.

“ where are we going?” she said but followed me.

“ surprise…” I said and we came towards the same wired compound we had crossed few years ago.

She still couldn’t figure out what I was taking her, she just looked irritated.

“ come on, I am not going to kidnap you, have some faith and patience” I said looking at her.

“ alright whatever” she said shaking her head and went inside.

 The meadow was still the same just a little dry as it was just winter season.

“ now, you will have to close your eyes.” I said.

“now? We haven’t even reached anywhere. How am I going to walk?” She said looking further, obviously all she could see was just trees and grass grown fiercely among the routes.

“  I will take you there carefully” I said, holding her hand.

She smiled and just closed her eyes, “ don’t open them until I say ok?” I warned her.

“yes, yes..”  she said.

It took us almost 10 minutes to reach where I wanted her to take, as I had to instruct her to step on stone, walk straight, turn here and there. But finally we reached there.

“ok now just walk straight. Stop stop. ok now you can open your eyes” I said.

And she opened them and she saw a mat set near the big stone, and a flask and torch and a candle unlit in a glass and yeah paper cups.

“what is this?” she said crossing her hands on her chest.

“ amm see this is coffee, this is torch and that..” I started telling her.

She punched on my arm playfully,  and said “ not that.”

“ is this a date?” she asked.

“yes it is, look if we would have gone to the coffee shop , we would have ordered coffee? So there’s coffee, and this is far better than going there, because we are sort of alone here, we can talk as loud as  we want to instead of whispering; caring about people, and its better setup too. including sun set. See?” I took a breath heavily pointing at the almost setting sun, well there was still 1 hour.

She smiled, “ alright…” and she sat on the mattress.

As I opened the flask she asked, “ why there is a candle? Its much bright”

“ yeah its because we are staying a while after sun set.” I said without looking at her.

“no way, here in dark?” she almost said no between the lines.

“ chill not whole night, just some minutes ok?” I tried to convince her.

“ now if you are done with all the enquiry can we have a coffee now? “ I teased her, and she rolled her eyes.

“ so to us...” I raised my cup.

She smiled while nodding and biting her lip and clinked our cups, well they didn’t really clink.

“So how was your day?” I asked.

“Day.. fine as usual” she said and took a sip from her cup.

“Really?  Well I thought it would have been great.” I said disappointedly.

“Well oh… it was kind of great.” She said smiling.

I smiled back at her, “ that’s good, because my day was amazing, my gf was with me all day long, and now she is with me too.”

She smiled softly and said “ not all day. I attended college lectures too.”

“well technically.” I said, looking at her, her hairs kept on coming to her cheeks because to wind, and she kept on talking about some things without looking at me,  I didn’t hear anything until I had an urge to tuck her strands behind her ear.

And as I leaned forward she just stayed frozen as she was the night before.

I forget everything as I looked in her sunray glazed eyes and coffee lased lips, even my coffee cup, and as I leaned forward it spilled on her lap.

“oh..” she suddenly said.

“...oh” I snapped, “ what the… oh was it hot? Am so sorry, I just…” I looked at her while putting my cup away, she suddenly jumped up and burst into laughter.

I felt so embarrassed but couldn’t help it.

She was still laughing, and then said after catching her breath,

 “ why you always make accidents when…” she didn’t said anything further instead she just kept laughing.

“ I am so sorry, it wasn’t really hot, was it?” I said looking at her.

“ no, it wasn’t .” she tried to soak it up with her handkerchief and sat down.

She was still smiling and then finished her coffee and then sat silently. I was still embarrass with what I had done few minutes ago, and I had no dare to even try to kiss her. I just stayed where I was.

I looked up at her, and she uplifted her eyebrow kind of asking me “ what?”

I said nothing with a nod looking at the sun almost setting left to us. But then I couldn’t believe what she did, she slid a little closer to me, her knees touching mine,  she put her hands around my neck, and smiled silently, and said softly “ is this better?”

I smiled and said nodding “ yeah much better.” And she leaned in to kiss me, I felt her worm lips and taste of coffee, I put my arms around her waist pulling her closer, I felt her fingers clutching my hairs trying to hold me more close to her, she kissed me back fiercely, I felt as if my heart dropped in my stomach and a shiver of something really good. I could hear her heartbeats against mine. I moved to her neck and smelled her silky hairs with the smell of shampoo and something divine mixed, she didn’t stopped me as I placed my lips on her shoulder, she just  moaned silently.

As I opened my eyes I saw sun setting behind her, I took my hands away from her and looked at her, she was still breathing heavily and eyes closed. I pointed her to the sun when she opened them and she just smiled keeping her head on shoulder, holding my hand.

We watched sun silently fed beyond the hill, leaving only orange colored light spread upon us. I looked at her, she was just sitting with her eyes closed. Then she opened and said…

Shriya:

“best day ever.”

That’s what I said to him. He just smiled softly looking across the sun.

He lit up the candle just after the light faded, and his face also lit up like the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, his flawless face, his mad scientist hairs, deep dark eyes twinkling in candle light, his lips, the way he told me something I couldn’t understand, I already imagined my thousands of nights and days with him. Which was far too much but I couldn’t help it.

What is the best thing to say to anyone especially when you had such an amazing date?

All I wanted to tell him that how much I loved him, since I ever knew love, since I ever knew why people do love each other. Because its only thing in the world which makes us feel that we belong here with them, which is the only thing makes us feel special and on the top of the world. He was always the one for me, but I couldn’t say it that moment. Instead I just tried to hold on to the memory of our time together. I never wanted to go from that meadow; all I wanted to do was to be with him there.  Candle light filling the dark around us, and we were absorbed in the dark.

I felt tears striking me with the memory of him being there on our first date. All I wanted was to get him back, get my words back, but how it was going to happen, as it didn’t happened even when he was alive, why it would happen when he is almost dead.

I want to see him, I have to… once again.

I just pushed back my tears and went to get fresh, after coming back I started working on my assignments.

Anish:

There was no way any of my friends would know I was in relationship with her. Well there would have so much fun if we would have ever told any of them or behaved like couple in college, but we never really did. We just kept it to ourselves. I was happy having her, and I knew she was happy too. we would hang out sometimes at unusual places where neither our friends nor family would spot us, we always had new plans to never get noticed. Nobody knew about us, except us. It was just our secret.

And that’s why it was so easy to leave her.

Yes…

Shriya:

How could you love someone, and hate them at the same time? You feel like trying to be on the both sides at once. And never able to find out which one you actually want to be exactly.

I closed my books and kept looking across the window.

After few months of our secret relationship we finally knew it wasn’t really going to work out, because in few months maybe he will have to move away somewhere else for his job and so it would be either break up now or drift apart and then have a break up. I never thought about these further things until one day he brought up the subject.

“ u remember the last internship interview I gave? I had a email from them.” He was sitting in my room on my bed, I was looking at him sitting on the study table.

“really? That’s great” I said because it was really a big deal for him and I somehow knew he would make it.

“ amm. I think for next semester I would have to move to the location then.” He said being a little serious.

“ oh oh…” I didn’t knew this discussion will turn like this. I mean this was clear that in some days he may left.

I didn’t said anything and looked outside of window. And he just waited for my reply.

“shriya?” he asked after some minutes of my silence.

“ do you really have to go?”I tried to speak avoiding cracking of my voice,  I know I was being stupid even though I knew the answer of the question.

He nodded silently and kept looking at me.

“ I guess… this is it then.” I said and I finally gave up trying to keep my voice from trembling. I turned my head towards the window at least  trying to hide my tears.

What the hell is wrong with me? How can I be so idiot for being such a baby.

“ hey , hey ..” he just got up from bed and came near to my table where I was sitting, “ why are you crying?”

He placed his hands on my cheek and turned my face to him, I couldn’t see his dark eyes as everything was already blurred due to the tears.

I just closed my eyes and tears rolled down to my cheeks leaving a hot trail behind.

“ I am not going tomorrow, we still have so many days and we will find a way to work this out ok?” he just kept saying something to hush me.

I just gave up and wrap my arms around him and he just kept stroking my hairs.

Please don’t leave me. Please…I didn’t know what I was going to say to him, so I just kept weeping instead of saying anything.

Until I heard the sound of gate, crap ma must be home. I pushed him away, and jumped off the table. I went to see from the balcony whether she was really home, but it was his dad, I saw him going into his house.

“ its your dad.” I came back and told him, while brushing off the tears from my face.

He was standing there, hands in his pockets and smirking at me.

“what?” I said.

“ nothing.  I didn’t ever thought someone will cry for me this hard.” He said smiling at me.

I gave him look and punched him on his arm.

“but I gotta say, you look much better when you are crying.” He said.

“oh please.” I said smiling a little.

God I was going to miss him a lot.

“ stop crying, its not that I am going to leave tomorrow ok? I promise we will work this out. Ok?” he said pulling me towards him.

I just nodded while looking at his eyes, and saw them closing while I leaned in to kiss him.

We will work this out…

He promised me and  I believed him.

Until…

Anish:

She came back from washroom but her eyes still looked puffy. How can I be that stupid to end the things which were never meant to break. Yeah we were never meant to break. Maybe is this why destiny made me this senseless stupid so I could feel how much I had hurt her. I felt so angry on myself. I had so many memories of us together. But one was darn hard to forget. The night we spent together.

It was just few days after I told her that I had to go for my internship. My folks were going out for a week to my cousins wedding. And obviously I couldn’t; as I had college, and so many other things and yeah…

Her mother was going for training for 3 days. Means overlapping our parents outing we were getting 2 nights and that was the one of which I spent with her. I couldn’t believe myself but even our college had  a day off on the exact day we wanted to. Well we hadn’t decided anything.

She spent the entire day at my house. We watched movies, ate lunch which I made and which was disaster but she didn’t even complain once. We did some of our studies together and finally it was evening. She picked her stuffs and said bye to me. While she was on the doorsteps I hugged her and to stay for a while more. Instead she invited me to her house for dinner.

“ why don’t you come to my house? We can take dinner together? I’ll cook.” She said leaning back.

“ well… can you?” I said, teasing her while burying my face in her hairs.

“ of course I can” she said, trying to get herself free from my hands.  I just didn’t let her go and smiled.

“ ok. How much time you gonna need?” I said finally.

“well 1 hour?” she said, mentally counting something.

“ ok…” I said placing just a childish kiss on her cheek.

“ewww. Gross. What are you 5 year old?” she said fake annoyed rubbing her cheek.

“well I can be 22 if you want..” and I leaned in again to kiss but she turned her head so instead I found her ear.

“let go.. I gotta go home.” She said, this time getting free from my arms and she went outside running and smiling and yeah also blushing.

I just looked at her and grin, and said I will be there at 8.

I locked my door, and closed the gate of our house and went over to her house. The porch light was beaming yellow, making the yellowish wall besides it glow. I thought she might have kept the door opened but it was closed so I rang the bell.

“ wait” I heard her coming to door running.

And when she opened the door I was breathless, she was wearing a strip dress the kind of in which girls looks well cool. And she looked stunning… I had never seen her wearing any such dresses but she looked just incredible, her slender arms were loosely holding the door and her waist length hairs loosely bound in a strip matching to the color of dress and here brown eyes waiting for me to say something.

“what’s the occasion? You making me feel embarrassed now” I finally managed to say. I was still in the same cloth I was from morning. An old red t shirt and old jeans. I looke like an idiot in front of her. She smiled and seemed a little disappointed too.

“Revenge!” she said, laughing with her eyes.

“ oh…” I understood, I still hadn’t acknowledged her.

“ you look stunning. This…” I couldn’t think of words, I waved at her dress, “ you …have never wear anything like this.” I said while coming in and without moving eyes from her.

She finally smiled looking relieved.

“You should wear these always.” I said, and took her hand when she led me into kitchen.

“I cannot. Then it will lose its being special.” She said smiling at me. I sat down at the table where there were plates already aligned with all the things she cooked. I never knew she can cook too. I just felt stupid that I never even asked her.

She placed  a plastic bucket of roti in between.

“since when u learn to cook?” I asked her.

“ well since my mom started teaching me.” She said, while serving me. A strand of hair loosens from the band and resides on her left cheek.

She served me and her too. and we just kept talking.

She stopped for a while, and I didn’t realize that she was looking at me as I was talking while eating her delicious meal.

“wow..you .. can really … cook” I said while stuffing myself mouthful and when I looked up I found her looking at me.

“what?” I raised my eyebrow.

She smiled at first and then said, “you know that kind of thing where in films, the girl gets the crumbs off the guys mouth?”

I didn’t understand anything.

“ well even though you don’t have any, I just wanted to know how does that feel” she she just leaned and with her left hand tried to brush something off from corner of my mouth.

And then I understood what she was talking and we both burst into laughter. And then I suddenly snapped, and I didn’t even know from where that thought came.

“You know what I am feeling right now?” I didn’t even wait for her to answer my question. I just spilled out, “Like we are married couple and eating dinner as everyday”

She suddenly stopped eating and looked at me surprisingly, “what?”

“ yeah… I mean…” well I gotta tell now.

“I mean its like this is our house and we are eating dinner at night. Telling each other about our day. It just feels so familiar.” I felt as good as we feel after telling truth.

She just broke eye contact and smiled pleasantly as in admiring what she heard. And  then I went on again, “If we weren’t eating, I could have actually kissed you right now.” Something was definitely wrong with me, I was talking what I was thinking. Is this her doing this to me.

“well but its kind of gross.” I said after watching her silently smiling while continuing not look at me. Which made her smile anyway and she looked up at me.

“Yeah. You better not do that. But well if you went home and came back after brush you are allowed.” She said and smiled nervously.

“that’s better always” and we ate rest of dinner in peace, but after a while I remembered something.

“Does that mean I can come back?” I asked almost surprisingly. I am just  plain stupid…

“ahmm…” she just kept looking at her dish and nodded affirmative.

I cant believe she asked me to come over, which meant… what it meant? I didn’t know…  

I just went back to my house and well… yeah brushed ofcourse. Then I just checked all the doors with lock and changed into sweatpants and then locked the main gate and went back to her again. This time the door was open and as I went in I saw her sitting cross-legged on sofa. And as she got I was there she suddenly leaned ahead and picked up a glass from table in front of her.

“Hi honey.” She was sounding really different than her usual voice. But the moment lingered just for a second as she looked startled again and she said “Oh” and grabbed the remote besides her and pressed a button and the room filled with song of eric the one with wonderful something. I never really get to hear it. And I burst into laughter. Well eventually she did too.

“what …was all that?” I said in catching my breath and sitting besides her.

“ its just that I was trying to seduce my boyfriend but you came up so early so I couldn’t practice enough” she said keeping the glass back on and smiling with blush.

“ what is that suppose to me wine? Cause you know I am totally against…” I said picking up one of glasses and sniffing it.

“Dude relax. What do you think we have here ancient collection of wines? Its just water in the glass from which people usually drink wine” she said smiling again.

 “ok. Oh but I completely ruined the moment. Didn’t I?” I said suspiciously as I remembered how I laughed at her earlier.

“Yeah, you do that always anyway” she said picking up some cd’s from the drawer. “I thought we could watch some movies.”

“Ok” well that’s unexpected, but what was I thinking. I didn’t even know what we were gonna do.

“Which one?” I said looking at them.

“You pick.” She said keeping her head on my shoulder sheepishly. She was still wearing her strip dress and her bare shoulder brush against my arm which was so soft as a cream or something. I inhaled her sandalwood smell and suddenly I couldn’t concentrate on those cd’s.

“hey did you lock your house right?” she said suddenly snapping.

“Yeah.” I said still looking dumbly at cd’s.

“back door?” she continued.

“yup”

“terrace door?” again.

“yeah. Ofcourse” I said looking at her.

“well just to be sure. I don’t want you parents find out your house got robbed while you are here with me” she said, nudging me.

“yeah and then they will ask, where were you? And I will say I was just across the house at the girl next door” I said.

She laughed and then looked at me just to find that I was looking at her. Well I didn’t want to watch some dumb movie when I was with her. This might be our last night together till I go someplace.  I didn’t mean anything much to be happened to either.

I just wanted to remember this night with her. And she froze again as she would always do. And that was my clue always.

Shriya:

I always sucked at telling what I actually felt. But maybe it was the weight of something I couldn’t bare I asked him to come over while we were eating at my home.

And he didn’t say no either. Well yeah he ruined my first attempt obviously but I didn’t mind, since it kind of released the tension between us. Its not that I was ready to cross the line but I just wanted to be with him and I hoped that he felt the same way.

As he was just staring at me and the moment was back. I couldn’t breath or move either, I felt just a knot in my stomach but I didn’t flinch either. And he just leaned in till he found my lips.  And I just felt on the top of the world.

He didn’t made any move, he just kept kissing me and I try to hold him close entangling my fingers in his messy hairs.

I felt him pushing me backward and all his weight was suddenly on me, his hands still behind my head. I just stopped and break away from him keeping my hand on his chest and I felt his heart pounding as mine.

“Ahmm. Not here…” I couldn’t believe we were in my hall and kissing like that. I felt suddenly so embarrassed about what if someone caught us, even though no one was going to be there at 11 pm in the night.

He looked puzzled, as in… what not here?

“amm I mean. Even this…” I thought he got what I wanted to say. And he sat up. I just went slowly to door and closed it with lock. And found him looking at me still sitting at the sofa.

Anish:

She just waved me to follow her and she slowly started walking upstairs. I just followed her up.

She was sitting at the corner of her bed nervously.

“amm…” she said as I sat besides her.

“Its just…” she stopped and bite her lip again nervously,

“I mean we … we cant…”

“I know. And we wont unless you want it. I promise.” I just looked at her silently and smiled comforting.

“  ….” She smiled too and I just leaned in again to only kiss her.  She was the first one to sleep and I just watched her sleep, her eyelashes almost touched her cheeks and she slept soundlessly. The only sound was of the wind chimes chiming at the window. I just held her close and didn’t even know when I fell asleep breathing her sandalwood smell.

The next day I was the one to woke up, she was still asleep tangled in comforter, hands above her head and breathing slowly. I couldn’t believe waking up with someone could be this great. It was still dark outside as it was winter and it was only 6.30. I stayed there looking across the window where there was long stretched meadow. I watched sunlight painting them back again from black to green finally sun came up and made her brown colored  hairs spilled across the pillow turn amber. I looked at the table clock and it showed 7.30 in the morning.  I covered her with comforter and went downstairs.

Shriya:

When I woke up, it was almost 9 when I look in the clock. He wasn’t besides me. I thought he might have went back, so I looked across the window but his gate was still locked. I brushed my teeth and spilled cold water across  my face and went to kitchen hoping to find him.

Of course he was there, sipping coffee(as I could smell the coffee smell all across the home) and his back turned to me.  Maybe he was reading paper. I remembered his last night comment about …. Being like a couple being familiar and I let out a small laugh as he turned back to see me.

“Hi. Good morning” letting his signature smile greet me.

I just smiled and replied while adjusting my hairs behind ears. I always look terrible in the morning as in I was in the shock treatments and my hairs messed up all around me.

“ when did you woke up?” I asked him while straining coffee in my mug.

“6.30…” he said and sipped his coffee.

“Really? Man I cannot wake up before 9 in my whole life” I said breathing in the familiar smell of coffee.

“I know…” he said with a marvelous grin behind the mug.

“huh… how you know?”

“Well I have been watching you wake up at more and more late in last like amm… more than 12 years” he said being obvious.

“yeah… because then you must also know this that I sleep at 3 in the morning if I am doing something like study.” I tried to defend myself.

“Yeah. Well I don’t have any problem with this…” he said, I couldn’t be sure whether that was a joke or ….

Let it be…

That was the first night we spent together. Well I don’t know whether it sounds stupid to just spend a sleepover with boyfriend. But still it was one of the greatest nights I had in my life.

Later that day his parents returned so… we couldn’t get another night even though my mother was still out. We just chatted that day.

Why do all the best things have to end? We were always the best for each other. I was the nervous introvert and he was the gracious person always making the anxious situation relieved.

I wasn’t the kind of girl who would take the initiate but I always loved that he understood me even when I won’t say anything. Maybe that’s when I started feeling worried that I was having too much happiness in my life all of sudden and whether…but  it will stay as it is?

Anish:

And finally I had to leave her. But I promised her that I wouldn’t drift apart. I always knew that she was the one for me. I always thought that we will always be perfect for each other. Whatever time we spent together was the best time of life, and I always wished that I could have asked her before. Because of my stubbornness I only had 6 months of memories with her where I wanted her to be the part of my life forever.

I was falling in love with her. I was falling in love with everything of her, her cascading hairs, her sweet scent, her laughs, her crying and the way she always looked at me, as if I was a prize she’d been waiting for all of her life.

As if I was the only one for her who existed. But it was too late to say all of this, I was going to leave in few days, and I didn’t know what was going to happen to us in future. I didn’t want to do anything which would make it more difficult to break.

But it isn’t easy to keep the things as they are. It’s not easy to keep the promise that we won’t drift apart. Especially when someone else is there around you all the time making you feel the same way other person should. Sometimes it gets so heavy to handle that we want to get free from it.

And I felt than when I met diya. I still cant believe that I drift apart from the love of my life because of diya. Especially now … when she didn’t even know that I was dead and shriya was the one missing me as if I was the only thing for which she ever lived.

We met in our training, she was the girl with exactly similar personality as me. She was smart, funny and in a way she made me miss shriya more. She wasn’t introvert like her, she was free even a little fierce. And she was the one to ask me first.

I used to talk occasionally with shriya too, but it was getting a little tough to talk about same things everyday. Now I didn’t know how she would look or what she did whole day. It was the ugly truth that shriya wasn’t with me, and diya was.

Suddenly at a point I wanted to tell truth to her. And I somehow made it. I just told her everything about the situation. She wasn’t the one to scream and say anything about betraying her or even breaking her promise that we wont drift apart. I just felt nothing and I never knew how she took it as for the whole time I was at my training.  She just silently cut the line and never picked it up. Like never never except one time… she didn’t picked it up even once till I came home. I tried to call her mother too but she refused to talk to me a word even. I sent her like thousands texts but she never replied a single one. I felt so stupid and I was such an idiot when finally I decided to give up and go with diya.

Well then it turned out to be the stupidest thing I ever did in my life. She never was of my type.  Sometimes our first impression of people makes us startled and then being with them makes us realize how they really are. About shriya I was amazed after finding out how she really was, and it was the exact opposite in case of diya. She was funny and smart but she also was dominating and sarcastic sometimes. She wouldn’t even notice me sometimes. I just didn’t know what was wrong with me. I had already lost shriya and now I didn’t wanted to be alone so I tried to keep up with diya.

One night we just had came back from the club we went. Being in a metro city had a thing that we had so many places to hang out with and after a hectic day we all would wanted for a place to feel relieved. And in case of her… she wanted some place for blow out. We came back to our campus after she had a few martinis. And she was already starting to tremble, she was laughing about something and nothing. I felt a little annoyed and guilty too.

We just sat on the stairs of our apartment. And she was still going on about something I couldn’t understand. I just keep nodding because she hated when someone is not listening to her.

And suddenly I wanted to go back. Go back to my home. I missed her with an ache in my heart. How can I ever do that to her? How can I just change my thoughts and wanted to get free from her?  I held my head in my hands to stop myself from bursting out.

I felt so strongly that, whether telepathy really works in the world of ours. As when we miss someone that we’d give anything to just listen their voice. I wanted to believe that she was thinking about me as well. So much as I was about her.

And then my cell rang. Holy crap…  I couldn’t believe when I looked at the screen it was her…

It was shriya calling me again after 4 months and 22 freaking days. I just wanted to shout and tell her that I was sorry and that I wanted to meet her and that I was sorry.

“Who’s that?” and diya asked me, her hand was still tucked around my arm. She was looking at me suspiciously after noticing my expressions. I didn’t say anything instead I picked up her call. I wanted to go away but she didn’t left the grip on my hand.

“Is that your ex? Why is she calling you?” she said out loud, sounding mad, she might have read the name on screen.

Crap…. And I heard a beep and the call was gone. I was darn sure she heard her. I was so mad about everything. Mad on her for never calling me, mad at myself for breaking up with her in the first place, mad at stupid diya who shouted in my stupid phone and because she heard her she was never going to call me anymore.

I told her that I can no longer be with her, she started screaming at me about how stupid and pathetic I was and even she didn’t wanted to be with me anymore. She called me few other things too but I left her there on staircase before I could hear anything. I was already calling shriya again but of course it was switched off.

I just helplessly lay on my bed, and thought about all the things through. I wish I could have told her how sorry I was about everything and I wanted her back even more than before.

But I knew that I was going to make it up to her. I kept calling her everyday and every night. But she didn’t answer. I had my training and soon I was going back to home. Well yeah I was going to move again but this time I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

I was just thinking about her when… when…

Shriya:

I went to the meadow alone where we actually met each other for the first time. I couldn’t believe that so many things had changed after then. He was nowhere to open those wires for me, to arrange a perfect date for us.

He was changed the day he told me that he needed a break. I knew something was wrong with him those days. He was no longer the boy next door anish I fell in love with. He wouldn’t even have time to talk to me. I try to understand that it was really busy schedule for him, and it was hard to get through it but I never knew he would just leave me just like that.

When he told me I felt like dying for 1000 times.  I couldn’t believe whatever we had wasn’t enough for us to keep us together even though we were miles apart. I felt so stupid to even think that he will be there, waiting for me where I was here always. I couldn’t utter a word, and I just listened silently. When he was finished I just cut the call and never answered afterwards. He even called my mom a few times but I was never there so I never got it.

I never answered not because I was angry on him. I just didn’t want to hear what he wanted to tell me. I didn’t want him to say sorry to me, so that I won’t feel even more stupid. So that I won’t feel rejected once again and again. Whatever he wanted I had given him. He wanted break and I gave him that silently and I didn’t wanted to make him anymore sorry about it. It was just over and it was never going to be the same again.

Every time he called I wanted to just grab the call and cry. Every time my phone buzzed I fiercely wished that it should be from him, but I never allowed myself to answer it.

Till one night. I was so sure that I had started getting over with him and all I wanted to do was to hear his voice one more time. And finally I gave up. I gave up stopping myself again and again and then crying for my stupidity. I called him and it was 12.30 pm and the ring started to ring. After 2 rings I felt as maybe he will never receive my call. I felt so stupid again but he answered on the third ring. I just felt my heart dropped in my stomach. What the hell I was gonna say to him?

And  I heard a voice, a girls voice. I could figure out that she was rather drunk or angry. And her words hit me like a fist in my stomach.

Ofcourse she was her… oh god… I just nearly dropped my cell and it shattered into pieces on floor. I couldn’t believe what I heard, or what I did. I didn’t even picked it up. I just started sobbing so hard that my heart ached. And  I didn’t even knew when I fell asleep there on the floor of my room.

Anish:

She stayed awake for few hours looking silently towards my window, and tears rolling down her cheeks. I didn’t know what she was thinking but there was no doubt that it was about me. She leaned back on her bed and after few minutes fell asleep. She still looked the same as the night I was with her but the only difference was that she didn’t know I was there too.

It was the last day of my training and the next day my parents were going to pick me up. I tried to refuse them but they didn’t listen anything.

I still hadn’t talk anything to diya, well there was nothing to talk about. Maybe she wouldn’t even talk to me.  But still I thought I could apologize to her. So I went to her dorm, but when I went inside I found her roommate who told me that she already left. I felt relieved for some reason. One less person to apologize to.

My parents came to the campus around the afternoon and we moved on the way at the evening. I just kept thinking about her on our way back. The rain droplets reminded me of the first time we went in the woods, the small bells on the review mirror reminded me of her little wind chime and her silent smile. There was no way I was able to stay away from her anymore.

It was dark on the roads except the street lights spreading orange light circles, and rain drops around them looks like snow flex so small glittering in light. I wish she would be home when I go there, as the first thing I was going to do was to meet her. Tell her I was sorry,  then I didn’t care if my or her parents were there. It was already midnight but still I wished she was awake. I was almost going to call her but then I realized that I hadn’t called her that whole day. Even though I hadn’t missed one day without calling her after that night. Maybe it was better. Maybe so she wont have any memory of that today. But then I decided to call and  I called relentlessly, wishing at least once she will pick up.

One after another, one after another… 14 times so it flashed on my screen. But she didn’t pick up.

I fell asleep on the passenger seat, but I was aware of the cold breeze around me, and that I was still thinking of her.

I was just thinking about her when… when…

I heard that sound of horn, the horrible sound which hit me and made my heart skip a beat. And then it just straightly marched towards our car without slowing down with full speed. And it hit my side of the door, and something hit me behind my neck and the only thought I had when I was alive was…

Shriya…

It wasn’t that I screamed her name. it just felt so wrong to be there, to be not be able to meet her again. And go just like that. I felt nothing. No pain, no touch… nothing.

My mother screamed and screamed but I felt nothing… I already had become a senseless ghost with regret. And weight of never ending guilt.

When I finally came back to my home and our house filled with relatives, and I was lying on bed without any senses on a hospital bed. and I couldn’t believe that all those people were crying for  me and I was just standing next to them so instead I just keep going back and forth from my room to her room.

And she never even felt it. Never ever except once that best luck to her. But again she became neutral but then it was good to find that she was still there. Still missing me and waiting for me. The only thing was I was not able to reach her again. What I was gonna do?

Do ghost have destiny? What am I suppose to do further? Watch her cry like that for me? But for how many days?

The thought hit me as if I hit a rock bottom. How many days she was going to miss me? And if I never woke up from the situation I was in, Maybe after few years at least she would have to forget me… and move on…

Move on with someone else. And what was I suppose to do? Watch her go with him?

No no… this wasn’t right. I wasn’t supposed to be like this in the middle of nothingness. No…

I just kept looking at her as she slept silently , lips parted a little. And she shivered in her sleep, I never felt the chill in the air before. Of course why should I? I am just a senseless as a stone remember?

I just got up from her chair and went over to her side.

I couldn’t believe on my stupid decision of wanting a break from her. How can I ever do that? As it was the most difficult thing to stay away from her anymore. I tried to brush her hairs slowly away from her face, but I couldn’t…

Crap. My hand went through as if I was made of a invisible cloud. Not even one strand of her hair I could touch. How this can happen. why can’t I touch her? I just kept staring at her as if something really horrible had happened. and then she stirred in sleep and opened her eyes, slowly but still in the awake sense.

And she screamed on the top of her lungs, so loud enough to make me deaf. I just leaned back from her, and I couldn’t believe she was looking at me, not looking past me as before.

What the hell was going on… she wasn’t even breathing, she just screamed, twice thrice enough to make her mother come racing upstairs.

Can she hear me too?

“Shriya? Hey. Can you see me?” I tried to ask her, which was stupid question anyway as because that was the only reason she was screaming that way.  

“Hey can you hear me?” I said. And her mother burst into her room, towards her.

“Shriya? what happened? hey..” she patted on her cheeks trying to calm her. But shriya had already stopped screaming. She was just looking at me with terrified expression. Her eyes were glazy because of tears.

Her mother looked across me, but she couldn’t see me I know that. She only look across me, towards my window. She looked at shriya again and asked her what is it?

She pointed at me. And I was shocked, was she gonna tell her mother that she can see me there…

Oh no… no no… her mother will never believe her,

I waved her and told her not to tell her mother anything about this. I nodded my head so fast as if then she was going to get convinced.

She looked confused, but yet she was startled. She said to her mother that she just had a dream.. a very bad one. I felt relieved for no reason. She kept looking at me and making sure that it wasn’t a dream.

Her mother hugged her for a minute and yet she was staring at me across her mother’s shoulder. I just stayed there looking at them, her mother asked her if she was ok or should she stay for a while, and shriya nodded as in no.

How can she see me? And can she hear me too? I don’t understand. But she never felt me before this… before…

I tried to touch her. God what the hell was going on with my life?

Well almost dead life…

Her mother stayed till she fell asleep, or at least till she pretended. And she went downstairs.

As she closed the door, shriya sat up from her bed and looked at me. But I remembered she cant talk to me unless her mother is asleep. I just kept my finger on my lips trying to tell her to stop talking and motioned towards the door. She had opened her mouth but closed it again. After 15 minutes almost her mother was again sleeping. And I nodded towards her.

“what the hell? What is going on? You are dead and… and…” she was trying to keep her voice from cracking but it didn’t help.

“I know. Can you see me?” I still hadn’t got the answer. I moved forward to her. And she backed off…

“no… oh no no. don’t come near to me. this is all a dream right. I will wake up. I wil…” she closed her eyes so hard and opened in a second or two. But I was still there. She pinched herself, twice but no… it wasn’t a dream. It never was. I just stayed where I was, leaning against the window.

“What is going on?” she started to cry now.

“hey , hey please don’t cry. I am as clueless as you about all this. Please listen to me…” I was trying hard to keep away from her.

“ how are you suppose to be here? Did you … did you like got saved from accident. But they said you are in a coma. How?….” I heard and sensed what she wanted to say.

“Yeah. I am not saved. I am not. I am just… I don’t know why I am still here.” She can hear me and see me. I was sure of that now.

“but then why my mom didn’t saw you standing there. If you were saved. She must …” she was still on the same point.

“No. no shriya..please calm down. I know its stupid to say right now but please just listen to me…” I said this time moving further and sat down next to her on my knees.

She was looking down at me with her eyes filled with confusion and tears too.

“I don’t know why I am here. But I am sure that I am not dead yet. I no longer exist for any other people around me. And that’s why your mom didn’t see me.” I tried my best to convince her.

“ and I was always here around, since the day I had accident. Always. Even you didn’t notice me before. For almost 4 days you didn’t.” I wanted to say, that and today I tried to touch for the first time and now you can see me and hear me too. but I couldn’t say it.

She looked puzzled, and kept looking at me. She picked up her hand and placed it on the side of my face. And I felt nothing. Nothing at all.

“I don’t feel it.” She said, unbelievingly I saw her hand pressed against my cheek but nothing. Not even a feel. It was as if something invisible has stopped her hand there but yet none of us could feel it. As if my senses of touch were no longer in my brain.

“Me neither.” I said looking at her disappointed face.

I am not sure whether should I be glad that the only person I ever loved was able to see and hear me after I was physically incapable of moving. But this isn’t the way it is suppose to be. People should die. After they stop breathing right? Why I didn’t die and go someplace after we see the white light and our life flashes before our eyes.  I wasn’t dead yet, but I was just stuck in something.

Then I remembered that I didn’t see any white light after I … no I saw her face. And the only thing thought I had been of her. Is this why I am stuck here? Because I had some unfinished business with her?  I didn’t have any answers to my questions.

Shriya:

What is happening with me? I must be trapped in a terrible dream, but its as real as ever. I cant say I believe whatever is happening around me is true.

He was sitting in front of me, and he was actually somewhere else. somewhere else  and yet here in my room…

I just keep silence until I felt that my thoughts are sorted out. Then he started talking.

“Hey, am really sorry ok? I was so darn idiot for whatever I said to you back then…” he said, what has happened back then? I felt as if it was so small in front of whatever is happening right now.  I remembered how depressed and hurt I was for him leaving me. But it didn’t matter anymore. as I had already forgiven him the day he was no where … and now he was here in front of me, should I stay mad at him as before…

And the answer came as if it was always there.

No…

“ I don’t remember anything before 6 months ago ok. I only remember the things when you were with me.” I pressed (or at least just pretended that it was there) my hand across his face and all I wanted to do was to embrace him to never let go. He was back to me, after all that.

He looked at me unbelievable and kept his hand on mine. But now what? What we were suppose to do? We both had no idea why he was here, or why  I was the only one who can felt him. I was so tired and my back pained because of sitting there for a long time. And I led him to the side of my bed. And we lay there side by side. Face to face.

I couldn’t believe it, and I still was wishing that it all must be a dream. As this is what I always had ever wished for, to be with him for my entire life. But it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t there anymore. he was there just right in front me, and I was the only one who could see him and yet I couldn’t touch him which was the only thing I wanted to at this very moment. He was still the same with his features, lean and beautiful but only a soul maybe.

Anish:

The only thing of my senses was still there; was that I could smell everything around me. I could smell her familiar sandalwood scent, the familiar smell of her room. And it all felt normal for a minute as if I was still alive , still there flesh, bone, blood and senses. Her fingers were still laced in mine senselessly. And she just kept looking at me with her big glazy brown eyes, and long eyelashes battling in a while.

“I missed you… and I didn’t answer your calls because I thought … maybe it will be as if I was forcing you to stay with me.” She said solemnly looking down at my chest breaking the eye contact.

“I missed you too… I was really stupid and … I just wanted to apologize and get you back and I didn’t know what else to do so I kept calling.”

“and I am sorry for never answering. But I …” she said and looked at me.

“yeah. I know… she was just a little drunk and the second I picked up your call she…” I knew what she was going to say.

“ oh… so you… I mean…” she looked so disappointed and sad at once.

“No.. oh no no… it was never … really I swear.” I tried to clear her suspicion.

“I went to  meet you…” she said suddenly.

"Means? " I didn't understood what she wanted to say for a moment, I was right there.

"In the hospital. "she said softly , staring at me. 

“oh..” I wasn’t there. The real me, was still lying there.

“you will not leave me right? You.. can’t. they will.. they will make you alright” she said, in cracking voice.

She meant doctors  maybe.

“hmm, yeah.. they have to…” Well even I didn’t know that for sure. But I didn’t want to sound self pitied.

She just smiled assuring instead of saying something. I knew she understood. I lifted my left hand and placed it on her cheek and she just closed her eyes silently. We were both so exhausted and dreams took us away in sleep. I dreamt of her being with me for the first night and wake up next to her, curled up against me. My arms around her wrapping her around, and her smell filled everywhere.

It was 5 o clocks in the morning and it was dark outside our window.  

The second time I woke up, she was gone. I looked at the table clock and it showed 8 in the morning.

I heard clattering downstairs and small voices talking. I just sat up and listened. I thought for a second as whether her mom will ask her about yesterday night. I just stayed there. Waiting for her to do something, even so it was her life, still alive, for me it was all frozen forever maybe.

Shriya:

I woke up before him, well do the ghost sleep? I don’t know, but he was asleep, still I couldn’t believe. I felt a slight pain in my belly, I was afraid of doing anything right at this moment. I just looked at him, and wished this all shouldn’t be a dream. If it all would have worked out, or if we were still together the moment he was coming here, or if…

And the more freaking useless if if if’s…

 I slowly moved my hand and placed it on his forehead, I knew I placed it but it didn’t felt, as if nothing was there. I brushed few strands of hairs away from his temple but still I couldn’t feel them. He was sleeping silently without any sound, not even of breaths but I could see his chest rise and fall with each breath.

And I knew it was not a dream, I was awake, and he was with me there. Right there in front of me.

I moved his hand away and went towards dressing table, I saw my reflection in mirror. I saw a girl, eyes swollen red as if she had cried whole night, though I didn’t remember crying. I went to kitchen and as always mom was sitting near dining table, she greeted me good morning in soft voice, and so did I.

She was accessing me for a clue, I bet she was thinking about last night. I didn’t met my gaze with her, but she asked anyway.

“Are you alright? You had a nightmare last night? “ her voice was filled with worry.

“ahmm, I don’t know what happened. I don’t even remember now” awful lie…

“okay, do you have college today?”

“no. my viva’s are done. “ I said, taking a sip of coffee.

“Ma … I am thinking about visiting Anish today.” I said looking at her.

“okay.” She told address of the hospital.

“Is he alright? Did they say anything about his recovery?” I asked her, hopefully. even though I saw him, I didn’t know anything about his recovery.

“Yeah. I mean they said, he had extreme injuries and the one on his head suddenly left him incautious. They have kept his breathing going on, but we don’t know when he might get out of coma.” She exhaled a sigh.

“Okay. Well… lets hope he will be alright soon” I said.

She smiled and agreed.

Anish:

when she was back in room, I was behind the door. She looked across and couldn’t find me. She looked scared and worried. Maybe she was thinking to calling out my name, but she couldn’t do that.

Instead she went to window and looked towards my window. And when she turned I was right behind her.

And she got stunned , “aaah”

“Are you crazy?” she said in a normal voice.

I tried to tell her to hush by keeping a finger on my lips.

Her mom called out from downstairs, asking whether she was okay. She said yes and looked back at me.

I was grinning stupidly while looking at her.

“Are you mad? ” She said, this time in a little low voice.

“sorry, I was just kidding” I said, smiling idiotically.

She just nodded and said, “I am going to hospital today.”

“ahmm…” I said.

“My mom said, you will be alright soon” she told me, in a assuring voice.

“yeah, and she also said, they don’t know exactly when” I overheard their conversation.

“I said soon.” She said, in a confirmed voice.

I smiled and  said, “ even I want that soon enough”

She went to the hall, and told her mom that she was going. Her mom said, “tell him to get well soon”

And I replied, “thank you aunty.”

And then shriya looked back, forgetting that she isn’t suppose to respond to me in front of other people.

Her mom looked surprised, ”what?” she said.

“amm, nothing…. Nothing. Bye ma” she looked embarrassed and I couldn’t stop smiling.

“don’t do that” she said in very small voice, under her breath, only loud enough to let me hear.

“what did I do?” I teased her and she rolled her eyes.

Shriya:

I already knew the hospital, but I couldn't remember the room he was in.  perhaps…

I almost approached receptionist and he was just in front of me, “Hello! Don’t you think I know where I am?” he looked annoyed.

I looked at him, and embarrassed at my stupidity, and said “oh yes”

And I found receptionist looking at me with confused expression.

I looked at her, and

“ah… thank you” I said.

“what? You were going to ask something?” she said.

“amm no.. ah… I got it, thank you anyway.” I wish I could punch him right now. But even if I did that, it wasn’t going to help anyway. I just moved along with him.

When we reached to a room, I saw the door with two glass circles, when I looked through it I saw his mom sitting near to his bed and his dad standing near her.

I looked at him, and he looked sad.

“you know what? This sucks. This totally does. I am just right here, and they are crying for me.” He said, irritated. 

I wanted to say that, “They don’t know you are here, for them you are just somewhere they cant reach. They do feel as if they have already lost you.” But I couldn’t say any of that.

Instead I just said,”wait” and I pushed the door and went inside.

Maybe he followed me too, his father glanced towards me and I gave him a recognizing  smile.

His mother too then looked at me, and said that why is he was the one to get punished like this. She could have been the one in his place. She said she can’t see him lying like this, senseless and then she started sobbing.

I didn’t know what to say, I just looked behind me and found him leaning against the wall, looking exhausted.

I sat near to his mother,

“he is not gone anywhere. He’s just here, among us. And he would never like you to lose your faith like this. Will he? He will be alright, as he was before. We just have to keep patience and have some faith for his recovery.” I saw her listening to me silently.

“she is right reema. You cant just give up. Doctors are trying everything they can do, and we need to stay positive now. You getting me?” his dad said.

His mother just agreed silently, and kept her hand on his, which was having saline needle buried in his veins. She softly stroked his hand and then got up.

She looked at me, held my hands and smiled, “he will be alright soon.”

“yes… he will” I replied almost with surety..

And they both left after some time, leaving me, him and him alone.

I looked at him and inhaled. I looked at him laying on bed, taking small breaths, the machines around his showed his heart beats and he was staring at me, in another form.

I looked across me, they looked the same, just one existed and one didn’t.

“does any of these hurts?” I asked him.

“what? These?” he pointed to the needles and the life support machines he was in.

“Nope.. not at all. Rather I don’t even feel anything. “ he said.

I exhaled and looked at him, lying on bed. His hands looked pale, and so does he. I placed my hand on his and

“Shriya… I can feel it. Not exactly like the touch we feel but still. I can feel something. “ he said.

 I looked at him, he was staring at his fingers and me back and forth.

I still don’t believe any of this. I feel like this must be all a dream, or maybe I am the only one imaging this all. Or tomorrow he might wake up and don’t remember any of this. What will I do then?

I felt sudden burden on me, and I couldn’t breath with the thought of loosing him again. I looked at him, sleeping in the labyrinth of those tubes and slowly breathing in and out.

What if? And the what if stucked…

I felt as maybe I should run from there. So far away…

I looked at him standing across me, staring at me confusingly. My eyes were filled with tears and he looked blurred within them.

I saw him moving towards me, and suddenly it all changed.

The person in front of me started to move, not the one standing. The one who was lying on bed.

He started moving as if having a seizure. He was having trouble breathing and he…

I had to call doctors, when they came into room, they told me to wait outside and I did as they told me.

I saw them giving him some medicines through needle, and making him stable again. After few minutes they called his parents and told them to return back for an argent meet.

And in all this, I found that he was nowhere. Even his soul less existence was nowhere to find.

Maybe I started to understand this, he was no longer in the state among his being alive and being dead. He was almost alive again when he had that seizer. And he was still in there, that’s why I couldn’t find him anywhere.

I just sat there thinking what am I suppose to do in all this, and I felt totally blank. I just keep staring at the floor of hospital, hearing the soft murmur of people around me, and the familiar scent of hospital.

I saw reema aunty and  uncle emerged from one of the cabin. She was slowly sobbing. And when they looked at me, I got up and went towards them.

“what happened to him? is he alright? What did they told you?” I asked my questions hastily.

“He is alright” uncle told me, “They called us for our sign on some documents; They need to make an argent surgery on him.”

I closed my eyes with a relief, and asked him again after a second, “Will he be alright after this?”

“We don’t know that for sure yet. It’s the risk we have to take, he may get alright after or…” and his words stopped after that.

“or what…” my mind wondered just like that… or he could loose his life. Or he could just leave me… or I may never be able to see him again.

No no no… there must be some kind of mistake, don’t let them take him away from me. Please… but his life is in danger anyhow. I just stood there , unable to move and thoughts rushed inside my head like never ending storm. And I saw them taking him towards the ot.

why are they letting them take for operation?

 please don’t do this. I wish I could tell them but I was in no place to object them.

I couldn’t stay there, even for a second. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be alone.

“what time is it?” he asked me, the first question after I reached in the restaurant we were suppose to meet, almost an hour late.

“Sorry, I was with some friends and time just went… I didn’t…” I tried to explain, even I knew how lame it sounded.

“and you forgotten I was sitting here waiting for you from last 45 minutes?” he said, still in anger.

“I didn’t forget, I just…” I couldn’t even think of any excuse there. How come sometimes we never get importance of some people in our life? It seemed alright when I made late almost an year ago, for our meet. But now when he was nowhere near to me to wait for me, I wish I could turn back time, and meet him even 5 minutes earlier there… I remembered every little quarrel we had back then, and I remembered how many times I refused to talk with him, and I remembered how many times he said sorry even if it was my mistake. And I wish, I could just take back all my anger, and words which left him hurt. I wish I could have just picked up the calls he made, and ask him, why he left me. And tell him that, I wanted him back…

But it all seemed so stupid to even think about. As he was no longer with me, and was in such situation where he may never be alive again. And I was still there, filled with regrets, and wishing this all could just end.

I was lying in my room, facing towards the window of his home. Which showed nothing but dark and rustling of curtains. And I saw moon light seeping through my window panes, filling room with its silver light. I could see the full moon in sky, lit up like a lantern and clouds like cotton slowly passing like delicate curtains. And my wind chimes making soft clinking along with wind.

I just wished I could be with him right now, just hold his hand, and show him how beautiful this all looks, yet has no beauty after all if no one is there to share it.

And I closed my eyes with utter helplessness,

“Hey…” I heard him. . his voice, seemed like coming from a deep deep cave.

And when I opened my eyes, I saw him standing there, leaned against the wall between the windows. I went across and stood beside him, rather something alike him.

“am I dreaming this all? Or am I really here?” he asked me , and I  slowly raising my hand to touch his cheeks.

“I wish this all could be a dream. Everything … right from the moment we…” my voice filled with hurt and pain, and his eyes shining in dark.

“do you believe in second chances? If I survived through this, will you be able to forgive me?” he said, looking across the window. 

I inhaled and said“second, third, forth… as long as it takes, if the person is right… “still my eyes transfixed at his shadow.

I waited for his response, and looked up in the sky, it was clear as water and moon gleamed with millions of stars…

“and if the person is anish?” he said, this time looking at me…

Anish:

She smiled and said…

“Only if the other person is shriya”, moving her eyes from moon to me…

And I knew we will survive through this too…

Shriya:

I couldn’t find him anywhere, when I woke up. I looked across my window and found his home still locked. I told ma that I was going to hospital; she asked if I wanted her to come with me too. But I didn’t.

When I reached there, I found uncle and aunty sitting outside looking exhausted. I wonder if they stayed there whole night. But they didn’t look stressed anymore. I had to see him now…

I hurried towards his room, and found him almost same as the day before, lying there.

I went inside and stood there, unsure of what to do next. I looked at him, he seemed alright. There were no longer the tubes inside him to help him breath. I sat on the chair, and stood up again to sit beside him.

And slowly touched his hand, it looked so pale, with saline needles still attached to his veins. And I saw him opening his eyes, slowly like waking up from deep sleep after a long time.

“shriya…” his voice sounded like a whisper.

“shhh… don’t talk” I whispered, and my eyes filled with tears of joy, seeing him looking at me, once again.

“I want to…” and he broke off. Almost looking tired with effort.

“hush.. I know. Just don’t say it…” I planted a soft kiss on his forehead and he smiled the best I had ever seen. 

Apparently after few weeks he returned to home after medical attention and he was getting better now.

But he never remembered anything about the days he was un-cautious. I asked him too whether he remembers anything after his accident, but he said he thought of it as a so long sleep.

He again apologized to me for all the things even after I said I didn’t want to hear it. And one day suddenly out of nowhere I asked him…

“do you believe in second chances?”

And he looked puzzled, but yet he did remember something, like something to unlock the memory. Like the key fitting in and opening intricate locks slowly.

“second, third, forth…. as long as it takes if…” he stopped middle ways… and looked at me like a child forgetting the next verses of poem, trying to figure out how the next part goes…

“and if the person is…” I didn’t even needed to complete the sentence.

“only if the person is…” he just couldn’t remember where he had heard this… and then he said, “shriya… I think. I think I had a dream…” he looked at me, surprised.

And I just smiled at him, and for that moment I knew

“Nothing in the world was going to set us apart, as long as the persons were me and him…”