A walk to remember

Ha! This post isn't about the damnable book "A walk to remember" by Nicolas Sparks. Which by the way I hate..

So moving on!
Yes! I finally started my Morning walk.
I am not at all a morning person, I mean literally I have spent my life's 22 years in sleeping until sun rays actually annoys me. I used to stay awake around 1 or 2 am to finish up my books, or sudden creative urges to finish up paintings or sketches(Which I had to do that night, or else world will collide!), or just stay awake, without blinking an eye, while thinking about school memories, or recent movie or literally terror attacks! My mind just wouldn't shut off with all the information I have gathered in the whole day.

I always wanted to start this morning walk thing, although I suck at getting up early by alarm clock, or getting my self out of bed seems like a night mare, but this time. I totally did it. I did it and I came back yesterday and looked up for benefits of morning walks so they can keep me going on the next day and the next day and so on. And I am totally loving it.

So the most important thing about walk is, you dont have to do anything except just go farther and farther away, and at some point it just seems like you dont even want the road to finish. I had my headphones on and Beatle's Martha my dear was playing on. and I felt so good about everything that was going on. The only sound of my feets in absolute calm, few birds chirping away and just soft notes of Martha drifting like miraculous song out of nowhere. And it was sublime, just one of my kind of bliss moments.
Although Morning walks may have lots of healthy benefits, I guess for me its the moment of peace... When no one is shouting, talking, no vehicles disturbing the road. I love the way it feels, when I am accompanied by nothing else but the surrounding and myself.

Now its just rainy season about to finish, Soon enough I may be able to see the sunrise as well! Holding on to that moment till then... :)

So  To a new change, I wish I'd keep this resolution up :)

Merci!

Wuthering Heights

How can someone even exist being so cruel?

That was my reaction when I read first scene from this book which shaken me up.
Then I was like,
Just keep reading, Just keep reading like Dory from Finding Nemo. Expecting something good will happen in the end. and what?

I cant believe I even decided to read this crap book, I hated it...I hated every character of it. Hated the way they were behaving with each others and with themselves.

Well it is a love story, of two extremely selfish people. And the man is so freaking psychopath that he turns onto the family which took him in when he was an orphan and lost. He behaves so recklessly when he is of age and grabs everything of the family ever own. He becomes the ghost probably after his death as if he lived an saint life before. I can not say anyone ever frighten me this much before from a book than Mr. Heathcliff.
Its not only the way he acts, there's something demonic about him. He traps people in his sweet talks and then makes them do what he wants them to do. Whatever he did I can not at all accept, was for the love of his life. And the only soft spot he ever had was for his dead lover. Damn you... :(

At first few times I wanted to stop reading it because I couldn't read it with the sort of violence it had, but then I felt as if maybe I have gone too soft hearted after reading whole sophisticated stories, and at some point I need to face reality.  So I kept going on, to find a golden line to the reckless cloud of raging storm. But none... None at all. Wasnt worth it...

I have read three classics now Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering heights all from English classics. and I guess I feel as there is something very deep to understand with the society they lived in. We would not speak such language as of magnanimity, trepidation, bereavement... But they would have direct philosophical conversation as if they are asking whether you had dinner or tea. What appeals to me more is that how could people speak in such difficult thought process in just few seconds. There are values, morality, ethics, behavioral traits everywhere in their conversations.

We speak about these things in certain scenario now a days, we need lectures or specific people to talk about morals and values or specific environment to speak about them. At first I would get annoyed as well as why do they have to talk so difficult about everything. But it seems a luxury in today's world when we do not have time neither ears to listen to values and morals everyday, every minute.
Perhaps that is the one thing I have learn so far in  my expedition of classic literature.
As time has changed but our concepts still stay the same, hidden and ignored among the time layers, we might have used our time of the whole day for the important chores and have forgotten how to still keep in touch with our inner self, but its still there.

 Morality, Upbringing, Manners, Education, Values, Love, Sensibility... Its still there. Just wrapped up in a different styles, and hidden somewhere deep beneath.


To Wuthering Heights. The book I hated after a long time... :P

what would be my last words?

Crazy thought ha... 

Well not so much. 

we live our life in so many different forms, we start our life with a cry to live and then go on till we draw our last breath. 

My first words could be , momma or dada, yours could be something else...those are indefinite. 

but what about our last words?

If ever they had such importance for our own sake, wouldn't you plan for them? :)

so I read this one article which had this collection of famous people's last words. 
and there came one entry as,

"And according to Steve Jobs' sister Mona, the Apple founder's last words were, "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow."

and so we draw a conclusion as he might be remembering the things he's done in his life. and so that is why he was feeling great about them, so he said the words... or maybe not. Only steve could be the one to answer that. 

so for those of you who have read his speech addressed in stanford university, do you remember he would say to himself everyday a question?

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”

so He did what he felt by thinking about the moment of death, and so there comes the 'Oh wow!'
well things are still hypothetical here, but if we looked at the optimistic way, he could be thinking the same.  While he was lying there, and he knew it was gonna be his moment. 

hmm. but well, he was steve jobs, Duh. the man was born wonder I guess, on a second note, I would like to say "oh wow" on my death bed, while it wont be my last words of course. 
But as I think about it, I may die anytime from now on. (Please dont misunderstand, its just an expression, I have no plan to perish before I am officially an 80 year old grandma, with at least 3 grand childrens. :D ) but still. if suppose I died before that, will I be remembering the blog I am writing right now, in a small office room of an engineering college, with a rainy day weather out of the window and a sort of uncomfortable feeling I have right now? 
Or will I be thinking about the most happiest moment of my life happened till now or which will happen in future? 
Or the most saddest thing I experienced in my life?
Or the people in my life who loved me the most, or whom I loved the most?
Or will I be just glad to finally get over life and on a new journey(if suppose there is an after life)...
Or? Or? Or?

And I remembered  a song of Disney's movie, Tangled, I thought might be my last words. :D

after looking at the question of "What happens when we die?" like closed door for my entire life and if I see any light which leads into somewhere and something else unknown, I will be singing,

"And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted"

Ha. Ha! Kudos to my Last words arrangements Amigos!

To the Last words! (Which are useless anyway if you Reeeaallly think about it! :D)

Merci!

Fear = thinking * time

Take either one of them away, there shall be no more fear... 

I heard this awesome formula in a podcast. Which was about fear and conquest of fear.
Well what do we fear, in the span of our entire life we have fear of lots if things . fear of failing. Fear of falling. Fear of getting rejected. Fear of lots of things which accumulated over the period with our experiences.

My worse fear in my life would be failing at something or getting insulted by someone. Even after 4-5 years I can not forget something which has made Me feel uncomfortable about something. I was never the bright student In my school. I was rather a silent mode girl lost in my thoughts. But as i hit the bottom after my 12th,and I decided I will never let anyone make Me feel small. I would not let them look at my failure and laugh. I would rather be called a sincere geek but I will not bound. Over the period my hardwork paid and I got that it does not matter. The prejudice people have about you does not matter. In The end no body cares. Even I don't care who is gaining sky scraping success or who is struggling. Why should anyone care what I do. And then it was clear to Me that. I will not waste my time trying to please others and fitting into the stereotypes. I'd rather be what I want. And I think that Is how I have overcome my fear of losing.

The person in podcast told a way to overcome The fear.  A rejection theory. In order to overcome our fear of rejection we need to defeat it by coming across situations where we get rejected
. ha. What a awesome way to defeat something. :D I loved this a lot. I guess I will try as well to implement in my life to over come the fear of lots of things. 

And also. A one more monologue from game of thrones.

"Can a man still be brave when he is afraid?

That is the only time  a man can be brave. "

To the conquest of fear... ;)